Spreading My Wings
by GleekMom
Summary: Part 7 of the Ready to Fly Series: Blaine has finally graduated and moved to New York with his fiancé and best friends. He doesn't know what life in the city will bring, but he quickly learns he needs to spread his wings to fly. ***Season 5/6 Glee: New York companion series***
1. New New York

_**Welcome to Part 7 of the Ready to Fly Series!**_

_**I'm so glad to have you back to this new more mature all New York (at least for a while) Glee companion story! I'm sure most of you know, but for anybody new, this story is best read each week in conjunction with the episodes and really the rest of the series should be read for everything to make complete sense. I always try to post by Monday at the latest. This story will continue into Season 6.**_

_**New New York was amazing! It was so incredible there was very little for me to add to it and yet somehow this chapter is 5,000 words. It's less dialogue than usual, more narrative, heavy and dense at times, but my awesome beta typegirl19 was pretty happy with it so I'm satisfied. I hope you all like it too.**_

_**This chapter starts where Ready to Fly ended. So here's what you didn't really miss on Glee.**_

* * *

It was perfect.

From the first moment he stepped off the plane and Kurt took his hand at baggage claim and led him down into the subway, across the city, and up the street to their Bushwick apartment, it was nothing but perfect. Most especially the way Kurt's hand gripped his loosely, with lazy familiarity, as if every day of their lives they had walked hand in hand down the street just as they did that day.

Except they hadn't.

Kurt peered down at him, a brow crooked with curiosity and a small laugh escaping his lips. "What's got you looking tinkled pink?" he asked with an amused smirk.

"You're holding my hand," Blaine said with a wonder in his voice that made Kurt laugh again.

"Well of course I'm holding your hand silly, you act like I've never held it before."

"You haven't Kurt," Blaine said softly. "Not like this." They stopped in front of Kurt's apartment, their apartment, and Blaine gazed down at their fingers laced together in awe. "This is real. This is safe, Kurt." He looked up and Blaine's eyes were wet and heavy and completely full of love. "This is walking hand in hand in Central Park and going to classes together, and living together, and loving each other. This is kissing you wherever and whenever I want."

"Whoa, hold up their Romeo," Kurt teased lightly but there was a flash of caution in his eyes that wasn't missed. "We're still in Bushwick."

Blaine wasn't going to let that deter him though. With a step forward he declared that this was his moment. Their moment. And no one and nothing was going to take it from them. "This is Blaine and Kurt Hummel-Anderson," he purred defiantly, his lips only inches from Kurt's.

Kurt's heart beat quickly with nerves but he had to swallow against the electricity that was now coursing through his veins. "Anderson-Hummel," he choked out.

"Whatever you want my love," Blaine whispered seductively before stealing a kiss and running inside.

"Oh thank God Rachel is in Boston," Kurt murmured breathlessly, grabbing Blaine's abandoned bag and rushing in after him.

* * *

One week. That's how long complete and utter bliss lasted. Lazy days of falling asleep next to each other and waking up next to each other in the quiet solitude of their empty loft, filling the hours in between with lazy kisses and passionate lovemaking followed by passionate kisses and lazy lovemaking. Blaine cooked blueberry pancakes and French toast and crepes, he prepared fresh squeezed orange juice and fresh brewed coffee for heavenly mornings of breakfast in bed, crossword puzzles, theater reviews and more kissing. There was always kissing.

They christened the couch and the table and Rachel's bed just for fun and they dreamt of a lifetime of nothing but a domestic paradise of pillow fights and dancing naked in the middle of the living room.

Neither of them wanted to believe that anything could change what they had so drastically, but they both knew that this paradise was not forever.

_**From Sam to Blaine [3:46pm]: Hey man. Artie's Mom and I just dropped him off at his dorm and he's doing great. I should be there in about 20 minutes. Thanks for letting me crash!**_

"It's only for a little while Kurt, I promise. I'm sure he'll find a place by the time Rachel gets back from Boston, and maybe we'll even get a few more days to ourselves in between." Blaine wiggled his eyebrows but Kurt wasn't buying his optimism. Nothing would beat the rent of the loft shared four ways once Sam got used to it.

But still, even Kurt couldn't deny it was fun having Sam around.

They all went out with Elliot, just the five men around town while they could before the girls inevitably all descended back upon them. Blaine vetoed beer night, Kurt vetoed the sports bar, and together they vetoed Sam's valiant attempt at convincing them they'd enjoy a strip club. Sam vetoed the art museum and Artie strongly vetoed a trip out to the Statue of Liberty, leaving them walking around New York for about an hour before Elliot led them all to Bamboo 52, a sushi bar in Hell's Kitchen.

"I used to know a guy who waited tables here," he explained. "Foods good, plus it's Karaoke night."

Elliot and Kurt regaled the newcomers with stories of living and working in the city and the ins and outs of getting by in schools where egos and reputations were more important than grades. Blaine reveled in the fact that he could touch Kurt's shoulder or place a hand on his thigh or whisper sweet nothings in his ear without worrying that someone was going to come over and make a scene. The five of them got off without a hitch and when Karaoke inevitably started they sung in nearly every combination, in every genre.

Sam got in the way and took over the couch, playing video games from noon when he woke up to 4am. Gone were the days of lazy lovemaking and dancing naked in the living room but there were even better nights of watching television together and laughing and playing games, reminiscing about late nights of gaming with Finn and Puck in the Hummel living room and Blaine realized that no matter how scary starting a brand new life over in New York was, with his boyfriend and his best friends by his side, everything was absolutely perfect.

* * *

"So what was your favorite part of the first day of school. Go!" Blaine asked with an excited grin.

They'd always had lunch together in school, either inside the cafeteria at Dalton or outside in the courtyard at McKinley. But the $15 boxed lunch from North Square they could share on the Washington Square lawn was quickly becoming Blaine's new favorite tradition and it was only their first day.

"Hmmm…let's see." Kurt thought as he took a bite of the Grilled Chicken Club then opened his eyes with wide excitement. "I actually think our Acting 2 class is gonna be phenomenal." He grabbed a few fries and waved them around while he talked. "Our professor once worked with Helena Bonham Carter in Planet of the Apes. I can't wait to ask her a million questions!"

"Did you have to keep that journal for Acting 1?" Blaine asked, delicately cutting a slice of apple with their plastic knife. "I'm thinking of going to Barnes and Noble this weekend to get a good one. Maybe leather bound, embroidered. Do you still have yours?"

"I'm pretty sure I went to the NYADA bookstore and got just a spiral notebook. It was blue maybe?" Kurt hadn't thought about that notebook in half a year and he didn't want to start now and he certainly didn't want Blaine to ask to read it. It was full of break up angst mixed with youthful idealism. "Elliot thinks journaling is a great way to start writing new lyrics. Maybe you should try it? You've always wanted to write your own songs."

"I don't know," Blaine shrugged shyly. "I think the songwriting might be best left to Rachel and Marley.

"Rachel's a little busy for songwriting right now, don't ya think?" he mused sarcastically. "Even as a part-time student until Funny Girl opens she has her hands plenty full. Which of course is fabulous for us since it means she's barely in the apartment…unlike a certain somebody else." He muttered the last part to himself.

"Well I think it's good Rachel's busy," Blaine said, ignoring the dig at Sam, which he recognized to be happening more and more frequently. "She needs to keep busy. She seemed really happy when she came back from Boston. And Nick was able to get there in time to see one of the final performances. He said she was great."

"He was probably just happy that Quinn came up from New Haven," Kurt smirked.

Blaine smiled and shook his head. "No he was actually pretty pissed I didn't tell him she was seeing it the week before. Said he would have stayed in a hotel for the week if he had known."

"So I take it you didn't break the news that Quinn and Puck are back together?" Kurt grinned.

"Nah, I couldn't break his little heart." Blaine took a gulp of the Limonata then passed it to Kurt. "I'll wait until he finds a girl at school and then hope that she's better than his high school dream."

"Speaking of high school dream, you speak to Santana lately? Elliot thinks she and Brittany are going to run away and get married before they come back to the city to become rich and famous," Kurt said.

"I think she has abandoned her dreams of notoriety to buy a tiny little house with Brittany in the town of Eresos," Blaine said. He leaned back on the grass, folding his arms beneath his head and gazed up at the blue sky. The breezes were starting to pick up and before they knew it the winter winds would start chilling the air, making it too cold for picnics. Maybe Santana had the right idea. "She says the water is crystal clear, the beach is long and dark with volcanic sand." He turned his head to look up at Kurt and grinned. "Maybe we should honeymoon there."

"It's Lesbos, sweetheart, not gaybos, I think we would stand out like a sore thumb," Kurt quipped. He laid down next to Blaine, his head perched on his hand looking down on him. "Besides, I thought we weren't going to make any wedding plans until at least Christmas."

"We have to make at least some plans by then Kurt, we have to offer the folks a little bit of a bone." Besides Blaine was pretty certain that his mother was making her own plans as they spoke. He wasn't supposed to know, but the guest list was already being scrupulously scrutinized. He'd have relatives flying in from the Philippines that he'd never even met before. Hell she was already preparing a short list of potential sponsors for them.

"Your Mom and I will have a blast planning every dramatic detail," Kurt promised. "After Christmas. Now hush." With a smile he grabbed Blaine's hand and pulled him up. They gathered their trash and walked hand in hand back to the NYADA campus.

* * *

_**From Blaine to Santana [12:45pm]: Please tell me you and Brittany aren't getting married.**_

_**From Santana to Blaine [12:50pm]: Brittany and I aren't getting married.**_

_**From Blaine to Santana [12:52pm]: Are you just saying that because I told you to tell me or do you mean it.**_

_**From Santana to Blaine [12:55pm]: You'll just have to wait and find out. Now stop texting me this is gonna cost a fortune.**_

_**From Blaine to Santana [12:58]: I'll pay you back. DON'T STEAL MY THUNDER LOPEZ, KURT AND I GET MARRIED FIRST!**_

_**From Blaine to Santana [1pm]: Santana…**_

_**From Blaine to Santana [1:03pm] Santana…?**_

_**From Blaine to Santana [1:05]: Hurry home, I miss you. xoxo**_

* * *

_Everything has its season  
Everything has its time  
Show me a reason and I'll soon show you a rhyme_

It became a habit of his anytime Kurt had work at the diner. It wasn't that he didn't love the loft the way it was, because he did. But it had so many touches of Rachel and Kurt, he just wanted to add his touch to it also. Just so that he felt like it was home and he wasn't just crashing like Sam.

_Cats fit on the windowsill  
Children fit in the snow  
Why do I feel I don't fit in anywhere I go?  
_

His first few purchases had been small and welcome. He'd discovered a quaint little antique store where he could buy old guitar picks and he arranged them in a shadow box he'd put on one of the shelves. He'd bought a SodaStream so they could stop spending money on 12 packs of sugar-laden soft drinks and he could make healthy freshly fizzed drinks for them all.

But then Kurt started yelling at him that it was too loud. And the sofa he'd purchased with such enthusiasm was infested with bedbugs and though Kurt didn't make him feel like he was to blame for the barely averted disaster, he certainly felt he was. And he knew he had to make it right, for both of them.

_Rivers belong where they can ramble_

So when he found the lamp and the desk the next day after class he realized that what he truly needed was his own little space, his own little corner of the apartment that he could call his own. He stopped at a local theater supply store on the way home and bought spike tape and as soon as he arrived he set to work on spiking it all out on the floor. When Kurt got home from the music store with Elliot, he was going to love it.

_Eagles belong where they can fly_

And when Sam came back Blaine was proud of him for cutting his hair and for booking his first job and even for finding a place and moving out of the apartment. He didn't really expect the pain in his heart at the idea of Sam no longer being around all the time. The fear of losing him to the exciting world of modeling, to Paris and Milan and wherever else his life would take him had him on edge. But this would be better for them he told himself. Kurt would be relieved that Sam was moving out and the loft would be less crowded. This was exactly what they needed. To make the apartment feel like he belonged.

_I've got to be where my spirit can run free_

Except Kurt never even gave him the chance to tell him Sam was moving out. Instead Kurt screamed that his decorating was hideous, that Blaine couldn't just barge into the apartment like he was at McKinley doing whatever he wanted whenever he wanted, as if that had ever even been true. Kurt declared the loft _his_ home and admitted he'd run to _Elliot_ to talk about _their_ problems. Kurt called him psycho and pouty and weird and annoying and just for a flash it was like he was 14 years old again and being demeaned by his father. But he fought his instinct to apologize and make it right and instead he fought back, which was progress.

But as he backed out of the apartment, not running away he told himself, just making a point, tears blurred his step. Because Elliot had told Kurt he needed boundaries and there was only one reason Blaine could think of why Elliot Starchild would be trying to ruin the only thing that truly mattered to him.

And as much as he'd wanted it to be, the loft wasn't his home and he didn't belong there.

_Got to find my corner of the sky_

* * *

Leaving Elliot's apartment Blaine knew he still needed time. He needed perspective. He wasn't running away, he would never run away again, but he needed to sort out his thoughts, get his head on straight and give Kurt the chance to do the same. And there was no better place than the island where freedom was born to find a bit of his own.

He bought his ticket and took a seat on the ferry. There was something about the smell of salt water and the cool breeze in the open air that helped him see just how suffocating he must have been.

He'd been an idiot, going to Elliot's. Kurt's words had hurt and scared him and he'd needed a scapegoat, someone else to blame, because admitting that there were problems between him and Kurt was so much harder than blaming someone else. But he had to face the truth. This time there was no Sebastian or Chandler or Eli coming between them. There was no one else to blame. This time, for the first time, it was just about them.

Things weren't perfect. Their relationship wasn't perfect and living together wasn't perfect and he'd known all along he was part of the problem. He'd even asked outright in Mime class but Kurt hadn't admitted it and his heart had just told him to love Kurt more, to catch up harder, to hold on tighter now that he was here and to never let go. And he needed Kurt. He needed him to feel safe and loved and capable of making it at NYADA and he needed to take care of Kurt; to make him breakfast in bed and tuck him in at night and most of all he needed Kurt to need him just as much.

He was his father's son.

They were different in so many ways but in one very important way they were exactly the same. They needed to be the most important person in the world to the people they loved in order to know that they mattered. Because no one had ever taught them that they mattered on their own.

Just as he'd told Elliot, the boundaries he'd learned to build in his life were walls to protect himself, to keep the bullies and the pain out so he would stop being hurt. Back at Dalton where the walls of protection had been real it had been a battle within himself just to let himself be vulnerable enough to let Kurt inside. But once he had he promised himself he would never keep Kurt out again. It was hard to redefine that now, to come to terms with the fact that he and Kurt had to build boundaries between one another. It still seemed wrong in some ways, even though he knew that without it Kurt would wilt like the flower denied sunshine or air.

He stepped off the ferry and onto the Island. He took some time to clear his mind. He went on a tour, learning about the history of the island and the statue and hearing about the journey immigrants had taken to escape war and oppression. He thought of his mother and her family, choosing a life in America with more opportunity for themselves and their children. He thought of the family he hadn't met yet, still back in the old country. The family he would meet on his wedding day.

After the tour he drifted to the edge of the Island and gazed across the harbor to the city, so packed with buildings and people and not a tree in sight and suddenly in the serene beauty of the Island he understood what Elliot had meant. A person could feel trapped inside of it, unable to escape like a rat in a cage. And he never wanted to cage Kurt. He never wanted Kurt to feel the way he had growing up.

He found himself dialing the number before he even realized. He settled in the shade on the grass beneath a tree and leaned against the bark. "Hey Dad," Blaine said nervously into the phone. "I need to talk with you about something."

"Well, that doesn't sound good," the Colonel quipped. "What's up? Things with school are okay I hope."

"No school is fine Dad, it's, well…" Blaine hesitated, not exactly sure why telling his Dad was so hard, but it was. "Kurt and I are fighting," he confessed softly. "I can't do anything right and he's being ridiculously stubborn and saying he needs space and maybe you were right." There it was. That was the reason. He took a breath, but only silence filled the line. "Dad, are you there?"

A tiny laugh escaped the Colonel. "I'm sorry, I just don't ever think you've said I've been right about anything before. Left me speechless for a minute."

Blaine chuckled softly, letting it calm him now that the words were out. "Well, I wouldn't get used to." He laid his head back and closed his eyes, the sun shining warmly on his face.

"So what do you plan to do?" John asked carefully.

"I don't know," Blaine sighed. "Maybe it would've been better if Sam and I just gotten a place. Maybe it would have been better to wait." He was almost afraid to ask, knowing what the answer would be. But he couldn't resist. "What do you think?"

"I think you need to do whatever's right for you and Kurt," John said. "Just make sure that if you're moving in with Sam that he can cover his part of the rent, I'm paying for you not him."

"Yes sir," Blaine answered by rote. But his own worries only led to others. "How are you and Mom doing?"

"Well, Mom and I are still living together, and doing great," he answered lightly.

"Must be 'cause I'm not there." Blaine was trying to make a joke but they both knew it was anything but.

"We are living together because you're not here, yes," his father told him. "But we are not doing great because you're not here. We're doing great because we waited until it was right. Nothing that happened between us was ever your fault, you understand that?"

"Yeah," Blaine whispered, knowing very well it was true but right now he was just a little bit insecure. "It's just apparently I'm not that easy to live with," Blaine scoffed with self-deprecation.

The Colonel was quiet a minute, then spoke tentatively. "Can I try and be right about one more thing?"

It made Blaine smile. "Well, I don't know if you can manage twice in one day," he teased.

"I'll give it a go," the Colonel said. "I think you need to be around Kurt all the time. I think you need constant reassurance that he's there, that he's not leaving, and that he still loves you. Am I right?" He waited a second for Blaine to deny it, but of course Blaine couldn't. "That's my fault too. I wasn't a good father Blaine, even before the war. I smothered you, never offered you an inch of freedom. And then when I came back…" He sighed and Blaine could feel the pain in his father's voice. "I know I wasn't there anymore unless it was to hurt you. I thought I was giving you what you needed but I let my own pain guide me. I never let you learn to trust. Instead I taught you there was no way of knowing one day from the next if someone was going to love you or hate you, keep you safe or hurt you. But now it's time to learn."

Blaine bit his lip. His father was right of course. It's why he'd backed away Kurt's senior year and why he'd cheated when Kurt left for New York. It was funny that he was the one who believed in soulmates and yet Kurt was the one who had faith that Blaine's love was forever. As much as he talked a good game, deep inside Blaine had always been afraid that he was wrong, that Kurt would forget him if he wasn't around or stop loving him if he didn't do everything for Kurt. Kurt's love for him couldn't possibly be forever because Blaine had never before had someone who had just always loved and protected him no matter what.

"You're an adult now Blaine," his father was saying. "And you love…you're _marrying_, a man who didn't grow up that way. He isn't afraid of those things. If there was one thing that Kurt always trusted about you, even when you were apart, it was that you loved him and he was worthy of that love. And you've always known how independent he is, how self-reliant he is. You always told me how he needed his space, not just when he's angry like you, but when he's sad, or working or needing to think. At McKinley you felt safe with him so you could give him that." It was true. At McKinley it had been easy to give Kurt what he needed. Now that everything was new and different it was much more frightening. "So you need to learn how to manage that. Trust him. Trust his love. Know that you're worth it just by being you."

"Wow," Blaine said, his voice filled with shock. "I think your counselor needs to win a therapist of the year award or something."

"Maybe I just am trying to learn the same thing myself," the Colonel answered softly.

Blaine smiled. "Well then, maybe we can learn together."

* * *

"_We can't go backwards."_

"_We're not going backwards," Blaine had said. "I think we're being smart."_

"_By protecting something that is very precious to me." Kurt told him. "You know that right?"_

"_Of course I know that, of course," he'd said and he'd wrapped his arms around Kurt, holding him tight because they were exactly the words he had needed to hear. The words that he needed to forever hold on to and never let go. "Always, I know." He needed to believe them, needed to trust them. He needed to make them a part of him._

"_No matter who we become, even if we do need alone time, which is completely valid, we'll always belong to each other."_

As they made love, Blaine let the words play over and over again in his head. He belonged to Kurt and Kurt belonged to him and they were family. Near or far, together or separate, for the first time in his life Blaine was precious to someone, he was worth protecting, and he was home.

* * *

The covers fell loosely around their waists. Blaine was curled up on Kurt's chest, listening to his heart beating beneath his ear, moving with the rise and fall of his breath and brushing ever so softly the smooth skin beneath his fingertips. If he didn't know better he'd say that Kurt was sleeping, but the gentle scratch against his deliciously bruised hips proved to him otherwise. "That was hot," Blaine marveled.

"The hottest," Kurt agreed with a proud grin.

Blaine snuggled in as close as he possibly could. There was nothing better, nothing safer, than being nestled inside Kurt's arms. And as much as he knew he had to move out, had to do something to give Kurt the space he needed, in this moment he truly didn't want to leave at all. "I can't wait until we have our own place," he whispered dreamily.

Kurt hummed, his own fantasies filling his head. "A three bedroom luxury apartment. 24 hour doorman."

"A rooftop terrace where we can picnic whenever we want," Blaine added.

"A studio for you," Kurt offered. "An office for me."

"And doors," Blaine said firmly.

Kurt nodded. "Definitely doors."

They both smiled, knowing that those dreams were distant fantasies they probably were never likely to afford, at least not within the city limits. But then again, maybe they wouldn't always be in the heart of the city.

"So who loses their space when we need to turn one of the offices into a nursery?" Blaine asked curiously.

"Whoever's working," Kurt said as if it were the most obvious answer in the world.

Blaine hitched up on to his elbow and met Kurt's eyes. "What if we're both working?"

Kurt rested his head on his hand so they were at the same level. "Then whoever has the better contract."

"What if we're working the same contract?" Blaine challenged.

"Then whoever has the bigger role."

"What if we're both the stars of our shows? On Broadway," Blaine arched a brow waiting for Kurt's answer.

"Then whoever wins the Tony first," Kurt answered smugly. "Which will be me of course."

"Oh you think so Hummel?" Blaine sat up reaching surreptitiously for his pillow.

But Kurt would not be caught off guard and he struck first, his hand thrusting out like a cobra to grab his own pillow and swing it swiftly, whacking Blaine square in the side. Blaine instantly rose to his knees and swung, hitting Kurt first on his head than on his backside when he tried to scurry away. Their laughter nearly drowned out their shrieks and they were lucky that the walls were thick as concrete in the building.

They struggled to get their breathing under control and reached for their clothes on the floor. Quickly dressing in their pajamas, they crawled back into bed, a truce silently accepted.

Blaine broke the silence first. "I'm sorry I accused Elliot."

But Kurt held no anger because of that. "Look, we both know you've had hang-ups about him since the first time you saw him on that video Santana sent you. But it's endearing Blaine, that you think other men could love me as much as you do."

"Everyone should love you like I do." Blaine's voice was reverent and he turned to the love of his life, cupping his face. "But is it wrong that I'm glad they don't?"

"No," Kurt whispered. "I'm sorry I called you psycho," Kurt offered.

"And pouty and weird and annoying?" Blaine smirked.

Kurt blushed with shame remembering the words. "Yes, and those too."

"It's okay Kurt, I was being all those things." Blaine softly twirled his fingers in Kurt's hair, brushing them softly. "In a way I'm glad you felt you could yell at me like that. I mean it hurt, but it was also kinda reassuring, You not baby stepping around me anymore."

"I don't feel like I should baby step anymore." Kurt said. "You're stronger than you know," he whispered before leaning in to the kiss Blaine was offering. Before it had been messy and passionate but now it was soft, loving, full of promise as Blaine's kisses so often were. When they pulled apart, Blaine lowered his head, a breath escaping in a chuckle. "What?" Kurt asked self-consciously.

"I just…." He blinked, refusing to let himself cry, not now. "I'm just going to miss this."

"No, you're not, Blaine," Kurt said, taking his hand. "Because this isn't going to end. The last three months have shown us just how good we are together and that hasn't changed at all. We just need to know we're as good on our own." Blaine nodded because he understood, he really did, but it didn't make it any easier. On the phone with his father, out on Liberty Island it had all made sense, but now, together in bed, it was hard to remember why. But then of course Kurt reminded him. "The theater gods willing Blaine, you'll be offered a National Tour or I'll be offered a National tour, or we'll have Broadway out of town tryouts, or a Regional Production across the country. I don't want to be afraid to go because I don't know you'll be okay. And I don't want you to decide not to go because you're afraid to be on your own. You were right, what you said. You need your own corner of the sky."

Blaine listened to Kurt, his eyes locked on their hands, intertwined, fitting together like a glove. "I know Kurt, I do, and I agree, I really do," he said quickly trying to convince himself as much as Kurt because it was hard. So hard to let Kurt go. "I won't lie, it scares me, but I guess that's exactly why I need to do it." He smoothly pulled his hand away and looked up to loving, proud beautiful eyes. "We both need our space. Because I can't learn to fly if I don't have room to spread my wings."

Kurt's chest heaved at Blaine's words, his eyes misted over, and he raised a stern finger. "Don't you ever think for one minute that I don't love you, do you hear me?" he scolded. "Whether I'm by your side or thousands of miles away our love is the most precious thing in the world to me. We almost lost it once. Never again."

Blaine fell into Kurt's arms once more, a soft melody playing in his head.

_Finding my strength I'm spreading my wings  
Put trust in the wind and see what it brings  
_

"Never again," he whispered.

_And I'm ready, I'm ready to fly.  
I'm ready to fly._

* * *

_**Author's Note:**_

_**I hope you liked it. Don't forget to follow and I love when you review and share your thoughts with me.**_

_**I am ridiculously excited for tomorrow's episode and for Not While I'm Around, bringing the RTF series full circle.**_


	2. Bash

**Author's Note:**

**Hello my beautiful and loyal readers of this series. The fact that you all have stuck with me this long is amazing. The fact that so many of you tell me that you watch the show with this story in the back of your mind is just incredible. I'm sorry this chapter took so long, but it's a monster and if I had more time I could have added a ton more.**

_**Not While I'm Around **_**was a gift to this story. It was everything I could have possibly wanted and more. And No One Is Alone was just a beautiful bonus.**

**I have many people to thank for help with this chapter. MuseInMe3 and StarGleekBelle for always being muses, GleeFan and Tifarae for help with research, and as always my wonderful beta typegirl19.**

**There are two sets of lyrics in this chapter. The regular italics in simply underscoring for the chapter. The bold italics are sung.**

**I do not own Glee, but if I did I wouldn't have changed a thing.**

* * *

_Mother cannot guide you  
Now you're on your own  
Only me beside you  
Still, you're not alone  
_

It was interesting how the news hit social media first. Kurt and Blaine's phones just lit up with warnings and well wishes from every New York LGBTQ group on the internet. The story spread quickly throughout NYADA and Rachel went to find them as soon as she had heard. Surprisingly, it wasn't until the three had returned back to the loft that they learned that the attack hit so very close to home.

"I think we should bake something for him," Blaine said, already pulling the ingredients out of the cupboards above, grabbing the muffin tin from below. "Hospital food tastes terrible."

"We can bring it over tomorrow when we head into the city," Rachel agreed. She grabbed the ingredients they'd need, grateful that the boys had just gone shopping the day before.

The urge to _do_ something was strong. Baking muffins wasn't much, but it was something.

Blaine glanced over to Kurt while he filled the tins with cupcake wrappers. Kurt had been quiet since they'd heard, lost in thought. Now he sat on the chair, lost in the phone.

"What are they saying?" Blaine asked, lines of worry and sadness creasing his forehead.

"There's not a lot of information yet. Just warnings to be careful in the area." Kurt sighed heavily. He felt like his world was spinning. His phone buzzed again and he opened the text. "Elliot says there's gonna be a candlelight vigil. They're gathering a pretty big crowd from NYU."

"We should do the same at NYADA," Rachel suggested. "They won't be able to ignore a hundred voices rising up in song."

"They can ignore whatever they want," Kurt muttered under his breath. Defeat. That was what he was feeling more than anything. The sense that no matter where they went and no matter what they did, they could never truly escape the hate. They had been naïve to trust that it couldn't happen here.

Blaine could feel Kurt's emotions rolling off of him and he left the baking to Rachel. Sitting on the arm of the chair he combed his fingers through Kurt's hair and was left breathless, as he sometimes was, by Kurt's flawless beauty. "They can't touch us," Blaine reminded him and Kurt looked up at him. "Or what we have."

_No one is alone, truly  
No one is alone_

Kurt gave a weak smile and handed Blaine his phone before getting up, too worked up to sit still. "They're sending out links to health care proxies and hospital visitation authorization forms. Just in case," he said.

Blaine scrolled through the document Kurt had handed him. "It's a good idea Kurt. We were so wrapped up in everything when I got here that we forgot to change things, but I know if there was an emergency I would want to make sure you were by my side."

"My dads have all those signed and copies all over including at every hospital within a hundred miles, I think," Rachel piped in. "I have a copy somewhere in my things we can look at."

"We can print the forms from the computer and then just bring them to a notary," Kurt said. "Keep them with us in our wallets or something. We may not need it here, but in Ohio-"

Blaine could only watch Kurt pace for a few seconds before he was across the room taking hold of Kurt's hand. Kurt's wild eyes tempered at the touch and Blaine pulled him into his arms. "We'll be alright," he promised.

"I know," Kurt said. "I just…it makes you feel so helpless, like a sitting duck."

"We'll do everything we have to to stay safe and make sure we'll always be here for one another," Blaine promised.

They found the documents and called the notary at Bellevue, scheduling an appointment for early the next morning before they dropped the muffins off for Russ. After the baking was done and packed and the night had settled, they each filled out their forms. When they exchanged papers and Blaine read Kurt's , he wasn't sure how Kurt felt about it, but to him it felt like a promise.

_I, Kurt Hummel, a resident of Kings County, State of New York do hereby give notice and authorization that if I should become ill or incapacitated through any cause that necessitates my hospitalization, treatment, or long-term care in a medical facility, it is my wish that the following person(s), Blaine Devon Anderson and Burt Hummel, be given first preference in visiting me in such medical or treatment facility, and that said person(s) be given final determination as to all others who wish to visit me in such medical or treatment facility, whether or not there are parties related to me by blood or law or other parties desiring to visit me, unless or until I freely give contrary instructions to medical personnel on the premises involved._

* * *

Blaine jogged up to the front door of the theater and opened the door, walking inside. He looked around, trying to find his bearings, when a woman with blonde hair in her 30's rushed up to him.

"I'm sorry you can't be in here, this is a closed rehearsal," she stopped him anxiously.

"Oh, um, I'm Blaine Anderson?" He threw on his disarming smile and Dalton charm. "Rachel Berry asked me to meet her here on her dinner break? We're rehearsing a song together for the NYADA midwinter critique," he explained.

"Oh okay, sure," she said and she turned gesturing for him to follow. "Come on in, they're just finishing up a wet tech of Act 1."

"Thanks," he grinned. He took off his earmuffs and gloves, shoving them in his pockets as he followed who was likely the house manager to the theater. He ducked inside, the house dark, and he slowly walked down the aisle. It only took a moment before he was mesmerized by the girl onstage. She wasn't in costume but she wasn't Rachel either. Bathed in a soft amber glow, Rachel was Fanny Brice, heart and soul. And though he'd heard her sing it over and over again in the loft, the majesty of it all; the Broadway stage, the lights, the flys, took his breath away. Things he had only dreamed about when he sat in the audience of How to Succeed two years ago were right before his eyes and he was so close he could taste it. And here was Rachel, her dreams coming true.

"Ok folks, that's dinner," the stage manager yelled from the house. "Two hours, please be back at 7:15, we will go with Act 2 at 7:30."

Rachel looked down at Blaine with a curious smile, his wide eyes transfixed on her. "Why are you looking at me like that?" she asked, slowly descending the stage stairs.

_Sometimes people leave you  
Halfway through the wood  
Others may deceive you  
You decide what's good  
You decide alone  
But no one is alone_

"Finn would be so proud of you." His voice was a reverent hum and though Rachel wrapped her arms around herself at the mention of his name, her smile never faded.

"I feel him here," she admitted, looking up at the beautiful architecture of the building as if Finn's soul hid amongst it. "I know it sounds crazy but I know he's here with me."

"It's not crazy at all," Blaine assured her. "I believe it."

Rachel's eyes dipped, letting out a soft chuckle. "I can't talk to Kurt about this stuff. He wouldn't understand."

Blaine laughed fondly with her. "Kurt might surprise you. He talks a good game, but…" he trailed off with a shrug.

Rachel nodded then grabbed his hand. "Come on, let me show you around, then we can use the stage to practice."

She took him on a mini grand tour and chattered away about this room and that, this actor and that gossip. Though he'd lived in her apartment for nearly six months they'd barely seen one another and his focus had been so much on Kurt. He'd almost forgotten just how similar they were and how good their friendship could be.

She grabbed his hand and pulled him back to the stage. "We better rehearse before the crew comes back and kicks us off the stage. They'll only take an hour tops."

"Ok."

"We could have rehearsed at NYADA," Rachel continued to chatter, "but I thought there was no better way to truly feel like Broadway Babies than for you to really perform on a Broadway stage."

Blaine couldn't have agreed more and he had the time of his life playing piano for her, choreographing, and rehearsing. On the stage was where they both belonged, where they lived and breathed. It was where everyone in the house was family, where dreams came alive and where memories were as real as you wanted them to be.

The hour went by in a flash and the crew started filing back in.

"Come on, let's go get some dinner," Rachel said. She grabbed her purse and coat. He put his on and her hand slipped into his. She led him back up the aisle but at the doors he turned back at the stage, his heart aching with a sense of longing.

"I wish…" he started, but he didn't need to finish.

Rachel squeezed his hand and smiled tenderly. "I know."

* * *

Blaine had been so excited about the duet that it broke Kurt's heart to see that excitement turn to panic the moment Carmen had flunked them. The fact that she was giving them a second chance was a relief to him, but little consolation to Blaine, and Rachel was well on her way to making things worse before Blaine thankfully guided her out of the room. Kurt sighed and, knowing exactly what he'd be walking into, took a moment to center himself before heading out to them.

He found Blaine pacing the hallway. Rachel was no help to calm him down, ranting herself about Carmen and how dare she fail her, she was a Broadway star, and all sorts of nonsense that was entirely untrue and completely unhelpful. Kurt ignored her for the moment, instead placing himself directly in front of Blaine and grabbing his shoulders. "Blaine, stop."

_Mother isn't here now  
Wrong things, right things  
_

"He's going to kill me Kurt. I've never failed anything in my life." The words spilled out wildly. "You know what happened when I just got B's and C's Kurt-"

"Blaine, stop!" Kurt firmly took Blaine's face in his hand and forced his eyes to him. "You aren't a kid anymore. You haven't failed, you are going to redo your song and it's going to be wonderful and your father never needs to know."

"He told me to call when I was done with the critique," Blaine explained miserably.

"So don't," Kurt said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Get busy, forget to call."

"He'll call me."

Kurt rolled his eyes with frustration. His fiancé was 18 going on 8. "So you ignore it, Blaine, or you tell him you don't know your grade yet. Reschedule your performance to tomorrow and let him know you'll tell him then. You don't have to answer to him."

_Who knows what she'd say?  
Who can say what's true?  
_

Blaine dipped his head, and remained quiet. Kurt didn't understand, but he didn't want to fight either. "I'll go reschedule."

"Good," he said with a smile. "I'll deal with Rachel while you do. And then you'll come back with me to the loft, we'll deal with your father or not, and then after I have dinner with Rachel I will make you feel all better," he winked and added with a sly smile. "You can stay over tonight."

With that in mind, Blaine hurried off to catch Carmen before she left the auditorium, apologized profusely and rescheduled for the next day.

He was quiet on the trip home with Kurt, mulling over in his mind the things that Kurt had said. It was still hard to wrap his head around the fact that he had a choice whether or not to tell his father things. After promises in counseling to start trying to always tell the truth, he felt like he was betraying their progress by not. But he also knew that even in the best of times, even with Cooper, school had always been his father's hot button issue. And Kurt was right, he didn't have to put himself through that.

It was only moments after they got inside the loft that the phone rang.

_Nothing's quite so clear now  
Do things, fight things  
Feel you've lost your way?_

Blaine looked at his cell, then Kurt. Kurt looked back at Blaine and shrugged. "It's your choice," Kurt told him.

_You decide, but  
You are not alone  
Believe me,  
_

Blaine answered.

"Hey Dad." He sat down on the couch, attempting casual as best he could, knowing that he still had the choice to tell the truth or lie his way out of it.

"Hey, so how was your performance?" the Colonel asked eagerly.

"She said Rachel and I were good…" Blaine trailed off. His nerves itched in anticipation, memories of his father's last words to him before he'd boarded the plane scratching at his skin.

"But…" the Colonel coaxed.

Blaine looked at Kurt whose eyes still urged him to lie, to let it go until his next performance. "What?" he choked, stalling, making every attempt to sound innocent but knowing he was failing miserably. He could lie to nearly everyone else, but the problem with going to counseling together was that his father now knew him far too well.

"There's a _but_ Blaine, I hear it in your voice," he said, his tone commanding with a growing impatience.

Blaine took a breath and clenched his eyes shut. He didn't want to see Kurt's face when he gave in. "But the assignment was to do individual performances, not duets."

There was silence on the line. And then his father's too calm voice echoed in his ear like a dull roar. "And whose idea was that?"

That voice always sent chills down Blaine's spine. His leg bounced nervously on its own accord until Kurt sat down next to him and laid a steadying hand on it.

_No one is alone_

Blaine gripped it for strength. "It was mine, sir," he admitted weakly.

"So you thought you could just balk the assignment?" the Colonel admonished. "Do whatever you want? Is that giving your education the respect it deserves Blaine? College isn't Glee club Blaine, you don't get to do whatever you want."

"I know that Sir," Blaine said defensively.

"No I don't think you do," the Colonel continued. "I warned you this wasn't going to be like Dalton or McKinley but apparently you didn't listen."

Blaine wanted to curl up in a ball, feeling like a kid all over again under the harsh stare of his father. But he could feel Kurt's gaze on him as well, urging him to be an adult, fight back, refuse to be spoken to that way. His head fell into his hand, frozen in place, caught in the middle.

"So what happened?" His father asked before he could get out a word.

His voice dropped to a defeated whisper. "She flunked us."

"Good," the Colonel said. "You deserved it. When someone gives you an order you follow it. Imagine if someone pulled rank on the battlefield."

Blaine had long since stopped trying to explain to his father that not all the world was a battlefield. "But she said our performance was good so she's giving us another chance to do the assignment right," Blaine said, trying to offer a glimmer of hope.

"Well, you told me you wanted to claw your way to the top like your friends. Now's your chance." The Colonel sighed. "I'm very disappointed in you Blaine."

Blaine blinked back tears that he refused to let fall. Those words hit harder than any blow. "I'm sorry."

"You should be," his father said sternly. "Call me after your next performance."

"Yes sir," Blaine muttered and hung up. He threw the phone down on the couch and closed in on himself. His father hadn't touched him but his body ached as though he had.

But Kurt was going to have none of that. "No," Kurt declared, grabbing Blaine's hands and pulling him up. "I am not going to let him do this to you and neither are you. You're 18 years old and you're an adult and you messed up, fine, but I am not going to let him knock you down."

"I'm fine Kurt," Blaine muttered completely unconvincingly. "I just need a few minutes."

"Ordinarily I would absolutely respect your request for alone time, but I know you," Kurt said, his hands on his hips. "You're going to spiral down into panic or depression and there is no way I am going to let that happen over an F that won't even stay on F. Not on my watch. I'll go to dinner and come back to you and Sam acting out some god awful Star Wars fanfiction which would probably traumatize me for life or find a loft full of Carmen Tibedeaux puppets and one of that woman is far more than enough. I swear you and Rachel are cut from the same overly dramatic cloth-"

Blaine listened, a smile teasing at the corner of his lips the more Kurt ranted and though part of him wanted to know how long he could go on, another part, a much louder part, just wanted to kiss him.

For a second Kurt continued his tirade against Blaine's lips, but Blaine wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him close and Kurt surrendered. He melted into Blaine's arms, an embrace so strong, and a kiss so fierce that he had to smile at his mission accomplished. Kurt knew Blaine. And he always knew what he needed.

_No one is alone  
Believe me  
Truly_

"I love you," Blaine breathed, only when he was desperate for air. He rested his forehead on Kurt's forehead, their eyes both closed.

"You can't let him do that to you," Kurt said gently.

"It's the one trigger that's left," Blaine tried to explain.

But Kurt understood better than Blaine thought. "For both of you." He pulled back, resting his hands on Blaine's chest. His heart still beat quickly beneath Kurt's fingers. There was still a part of Blaine that believed he had to be perfect. And a part of the Colonel that believed he should be. "He may still be your father Blaine but he can't yell at you anymore."

Blaine's eyes dipped and he stifled a laugh. "I don't think it works like that Kurt."

Kurt thought to argue but he knew it would do no good. Instead he glanced at the time. "I have to go, I don't want to leave Rachel waiting, she only gets a short time for dinner. Are you going to be okay?" he asked, searching his face for the truth.

"I'm fine," Blaine assured him with a smile and this time Kurt believed it.

"You could come," Kurt suggested, a small pout almost convincing him to go.

"No," Blaine decided instead. "I wouldn't want to interrupt your Hummelberry date night," he smirked.

"Alright." Kurt bent down to give him one more quick kiss on the lips. "When I come home we'll go through all the Sondheim songbooks and pick the perfect song. And tomorrow you will blow Carmen Tibideaux away."

Blaine smiled. "I like the sound of that." He grabbed Kurt's hand once more with a smile. "Be careful."

Kurt smiled fondly and let his hand trail away. "I will."

* * *

_You move just a finger_

"Is this Blaine Anderson?"

_Say the slightest word_

"Yes this is Blaine."

_Something's bound to linger_

"This is Nurse Johnson at Bellevue Hospital Emergency Room. There's been an incident involving Kurt Hummel, and your name is on the paperwork in his wallet. Is he a relative?"

_Be heard_

"Yes, yes, he's my fiancé. Oh my god, is he okay, what happened?"

_No one acts alone_

"The police are still trying to piece things together. It seems likely he was a victim of an assault. "

_Careful_

"He's in with the doctors right now. They'll give you an update when you get here. "

_No one is alone_

* * *

Numb. That was all Blaine felt. The kind of numbness where your body doesn't seem your own and the world rushes by while you move in slow motion. The kind of numbness that comes from a panic so deep that the tears don't even fall because crying would mean that this was real and happening and part of you still believes that you will blink your eyes and awake from the nightmare.

If he'd been alone he wasn't sure how he would have made it to the hospital because he didn't even remember how he'd gotten there. Sam's voice as he told the hospital staff they were there for Kurt was distant, muffled. He knew Rachel was hugging him, he could see her in front of him, but he felt nothing.

This wasn't supposed to happen. Not here. Not to Kurt, never to Kurt. His beautiful, gentle Kurt who had been through enough and didn't deserve to have to fight this fight, not again.

There was nothing worse than waiting. He leaned against the counter and he clasped his hands, his eyes staring but not seeing. Surely God or Elizabeth or Finn could make this right, could make him okay, could keep his heart beating and his lungs breathing and his soul from giving in to the defeat Kurt had felt so strongly after the first attack.

The click of the door woke him from his prayers, and he rushed to the doctor. "Is he okay?" Blaine's heart beat wildly in his chest.

"He has a hairline fracture above his right eye socket, some other cuts and bruises. He's alive and he will be okay," the doctor said. At his words relief washed over Blaine and he raised his eyes to thank whoever up there had protected Kurt. "He's sleeping now from the morphine but you can see him."

He stilled for a moment, stealing himself for what he knew all too well he would find inside. "Thank you," he whispered. A hand on his back waited, and with a step guided him into the room.

Walking through the door he went straight to Kurt's side. He took in the damage. The cuts on his lip and cheek and eyes were bad enough but the bruises around his neck broke his heart. He didn't even want to imagine what Kurt must have gone through to cause those. He looked so fragile. So broken. And he knew Kurt was alive and okay and only asleep because of the medication but in this moment it was just so easy to imagine how it could have been different. And he remembered being in the hospital himself after the dance, lost and lonely and so very scared and more than anything he needed Kurt to know he was not alone.

"I just wish he could hear me," he thought aloud, "so I could tell him I was here."

"He knows we're here. He does," Rachel told him.

But Kurt just looked so far away. Blaine wasn't sure he knew the right words to say to make it past the medication and the nightmares that were sure to plague him. And then he remembered a different night, a night that felt like forever ago and yesterday, his own face battered and bruised, sobbing in Kurt's arms. Until a song had rung out, and woke him from his nightmare.

_**Nothing's gonna harm you  
Not while I'm around**_

Blaine was singing before he even knew it, grasping Kurt's hand, caressing his skin, hoping beyond hope that Kurt could feel him. And though the roles were reversed now, Blaine could hear Kurt singing in his head, soothing him, the voice of his angel, singing like a whisper, and he was there again as sure as he was here.

_**Nothing's gonna harm you, no sir  
Not while I'm around**_

_Buried in Kurt's chest, Blaine whispered, "I'm so scared."_

_"Don't be scared," Kurt tried to reassure him. "Everything will be alright."_

_Blaine tried to believe him. He tried to imagine how things could possibly be made alright. But all he could think of was everything he had lost; Dalton, the Warblers, his friends, his family…_

_**Demons are prowling everywhere, nowadays,**__**  
**__**I'll send 'em howling,**__**  
**__**I don't care, I got ways.**_

The shadows of that night played in his head and he didn't notice everyone leave the room. The only people in the world were him and Kurt, lost in space and time, in the past and present, in the Hummel living room and here and all Blaine wanted to see were the beautiful blue-green eyes filled again with warmth and determination.

_**Being close and being clever  
Ain't like being true  
I don't need to,  
I would never hide a thing from you like some.**_

That was the day he'd promised; no more secrets. No more hiding. No more pretending to be someone he was not, no more masks.

_**Demons'll charm you with a smile, for a while,  
But in time…  
**_

The scent of his skin. That's what Blaine remembered most from that day. That and the complete sense of love and safety he had felt curled up in Kurt's arms. Every moment of his life since then he'd worked as hard as he could to give back to Kurt all he had received. Curling up beside him now, Blaine breathed him in again. He held Kurt as close as he could, which wasn't nearly close enough, and he whispered in his ear the dreams of their future, the family they would have, and the world they would create together.

_**Nothing can harm you  
Not while I'm around.  
**_

* * *

Even before he opened his eyes, the bright light over head sent darts of pain through Kurt's head and he groaned. Blaine stirred, waking quickly, holding him close, still nuzzled into Kurt's side.

"What's going on?" Kurt croaked, trying to gain his bearings, search his mind for the source of the pain and the warmth against his body. His hand reached over to feel Blaine before his eyes opened to see him, but when he did he turned and smiled weakly. "Hey you," Kurt whispered.

"Hey," Blaine choked, tears immediately coming to his eyes, but Kurt reached his good arm around him and drew him close to his chest.

"Hey, don't cry, I'm okay," Kurt tried to soothe. "My head hurts like a bitch but I'm okay," he added with a rough laugh.

Blaine started to get up. "I'll get the nurse."

"No," Kurt said, pulling him back into him. "I think I want to feel it for a little bit."

They laid in heavy silence for a few minutes. Blaine had so much he wanted to say but all he truly wanted was for Kurt to be okay, to not hurt, to be safe. "Rachel called your Dad," he said instead. "He's taking the first flight out this morning."

Kurt tried to nod but it hurt too much. He ran his thumb up and down Blaine's arm, just happy to have the man he loved in his arms, to be alive to have him in his arms, and so grateful that he was the one in the bed and not the other way around. Slowly he came to realize that Blaine was shaking and he began to feel silent tears wetting his hospital gown. "Shhh…"

"I was so scared Kurt," Blaine cried, unable to keep the words inside even though he desperately wanted to. "What were you thinking?"

"Of you," Kurt answered softly. He brushed his fingers in Blaine's hair, twirling the curls free absentmindedly, his eyes trained on the ceiling but seeing a different scene before them. "I was just imagining…what if it were you? What would I want someone else to do?"

"I told you to be careful Kurt," he said, his voice broken and small and unable to shake the fear.

But Kurt wasn't broken, or small or afraid. "Yes, but you've also told me to have courage. Not to run away. To refuse to be the victim." Kurt reached as best he could to brush Blaine's tears away. "I couldn't let them win. And honestly it felt good to fight back. It _feels_ good to have fought back."

Blaine pushed up to truly see Kurt's eyes for the first time since the attack. His skin was still so battered and bruised, but his eyes weren't. His eyes glowed with pride and determination and the fire that Blaine loved so much about him, the fire that no matter what refused to die. He reached a hand out and gently brushed his battered cheek. "I just don't know what I would do if I lost you."

Kurt knew. He would grieve and he would mourn, but he would not be alone and somehow day by day he would continue to go on. But he didn't say that. "Well you haven't lost me," he said instead. "And I do believe that you have a solo this afternoon to prepare for."

"I can't leave you," Blaine said firmly. "I'll have to reschedule if she'll let me or just take the F, it doesn't matter."

"Blaine, my Dad will be here soon and when you leave I'll just take some more morphine and go back to sleep for a bit. I'll be fine," Kurt promised. "You need to do this."

Blaine shook his head, knowing Kurt was right but it didn't make leaving his side any easier. "I don't even know what to sing."

Kurt smiled and cupped Blaine's face tenderly. The song that had turned nightmares into dreams and reached his heart in breathtaking remembrance came back to him. Softly he assured him, "Yes you do."

Blaine realized what Kurt was saying and smiled shyly, nuzzling into Kurt's hand. "You heard me?"

Kurt brushed his lips, then reached down to clasp Blaine's hand. "I'll always hear you."

* * *

_People make mistakes  
Fathers, Mothers  
_

The Colonel followed Burt's directions to NYADA then asked around. Soon all he had to do was follow the signs to the midwinter critique. He just hoped he wasn't too late. And that Blaine would forgive him.

_People make mistakes  
Holding to their own  
Thinking their alone_

He heard Blaine's voice before he saw him, hunched over and singing as if there was no one else in the room. The relief came first for John, seeing that he was okay. The regret soon followed, for having left things the way he had.

_**Being close and being clever ain't like being true  
I don't need to I would never hide a thing from you  
Like some**_

He'd been so afraid of letting him go, trusting him on his own to be the man he'd tried so hard to raise. He'd made so many mistakes trying to protect him from exactly this, when all he had ever wanted was to know he had a son that could make it in the world and make him proud.

_**Demons'll charm you with a smile, for a while,  
But in time…**_

And despite all that he had done, the boy who poured his heart and soul into his music was everything he ever wanted. He was strong and resilient and not afraid of anything, not really. And the way he loved, but loved gently, with every fiber of his being, he continually strived to be more like him.

_**Nothing can harm you  
Not while I'm around.  
**_

There was no applause when Blaine finished. The room was heavy with silence, but sitting on the stool, his head down, Blaine didn't even notice.

"That was raw and powerful and from the heart and it deserves an "A" Mr. Anderson." He lifted heavy tear filled eyes to meet Ms. Tibedeaux's and he knew he should be proud but he didn't have the heart to care. Not now. "Tell Mr. Hummel that everyone at NYADA is wishing him a speedy recovery."

"Thank you," Blaine whispered. He slipped off the stool and grabbed his things from the table where he'd dropped them. He turned to head back out the door, back to the hospital, when he noticed the man standing just inside the door frame.

The Colonel watched, barely breathing as Blaine slowly walked toward him. He stepped out into the hallway, holding the door open. Blaine walked silently passed him to the stairs, but paused, gripping the rail.

"What are you doing here?" He wasn't angry. He wasn't scared. He was exhausted. Too exhausted to fight.

The Colonel took a step toward him. Blaine didn't turn, but he didn't step away either. "You did a good job in there son. That was a beautiful performance. You deserve that A."

"Did you come just to talk about my grades Dad, because I have more important things to worry about right now," Blaine said flatly.

"No." John took another tentative step, and then another. "I came because I needed to see your face. Burt called me. Told me what happened." He reached a hand out wanting to touch him, but lowered it on the rail beside Blaine's instead. "I wish you had called."

"I haven't really talked to anyone," he muttered.

The Colonel's skin creased with worry. "I needed to see you were okay."

"Well I'm fine," he snapped bitterly, and it was a relief to the Colonel to finally see an emotion from Blaine, even if it was anger. "Kurt was out there fighting for his life and I'm fine! But I shouldn't be fine. It should have been me." He turned to his father, eyes hard and piercing. "You taught me how to fight, how to take it, it should have been me!"

This time John reached a hand to Blaine's and he didn't hesitate to grasp it. "It shouldn't have been either of you, do you hear me?" he said firmly and repeated it just to make sure the words reached Blaine's ears. "It shouldn't have been either of you." Blaine let the words wash over him and despite everything he crumbled into his father's arms. He let his father hold him, soothe him, and though his eyes were dry he felt some of the tension he'd held onto all day finally fade away and his breathing slowed.

The Colonel's guilt held fast though. "Blaine. Yesterday." He paused, waiting to see if Blaine would pull away or lash out, but he didn't. "I shouldn't have yelled at you like I did on the phone."

"It's ok," Blaine said, stepping out of his arms, but not away.

"No it's not," the Colonel insisted. "You're right, there are things more important than grades."

"But you were right too Dad," Blaine admitted shamefully. "I was treating the class like Glee club and it's not. And, well," he gave a tiny laugh, and his eyes brightened just a touch with a bit of teasing. "Sometimes it's reassuring that you really still are my father."

_Honor their mistakes  
Fight for their mistakes  
Everybody makes  
One another's terrible mistakes_

Blaine would never cease to amaze him. "So how's Kurt?"

"They say he's going to be okay," Blaine said, trying not to let doubt and fear take over. "I'm heading back now. Do you want to come?"

His father looked away, off into the distance. A shadow fell over his face, memories swarming back. "After your attack, I was so angry. Angry at the kids that had hurt you, angry at myself for not stopping you from going, setting you up to fail. And I was angry at you Blaine, I was just so damn angry at you," he admitted. "But a part of me must have remembered that you were just my little boy, and I went to the hospital."

"No you didn't-" Blaine started to protest but his father cut him off.

"Yes I did. It was the first night you were there. You were fast asleep on painkillers. Your mother had already gone home. She never knew I went." Blaine stared at him, stunned. He'd always believed his father had never come, never cared. But even during the worst days, a little part of him still had.

_Witches can be right  
Giants can be good  
You decide what's right  
You decide what's good_

"I was…_exactly_…. like the men that did this to Kurt." He looked at Blaine. He needed him to understand. Needed him to know it didn't mean he didn't care. "I don't think I can go see him. Because in my mind I would only see you."

Blaine lowered his head. In his heart he understood. "How long are you here?"

"I can stay a couple of days," the Colonel s aid hopefully. "If you want."

"Yeah," Blaine said softly. "That would be nice."

* * *

"Ohio Democratic Congressman, Burt Hummel's son was involved yesterday in an alleged hate crime, the second in a week against gay men in New York City. Congressman Hummel is best known for championing federal marriage equality laws."

Kurt grabbed the clicker and shut CNN off. "Not exactly how I wanted my name in the news for the first time," he told his Dad wryly.

"No publicity is bad publicity," Blaine said, peeking his head in the doorway with a smile. "Right?"

"Kids got a point," Burt smirked.

Blaine crossed the room quickly and kissed Kurt carefully on the lips. "How are you feeling?" He straightened up Kurt's blankets, if for no other reason than to feel that he was helping.

"A little bit better," Kurt said. "They've taken me off the morphine and now I'm just on regular pain meds. They say I'll live," he shrugged. "How was your critique?"

"It was good," Blaine answered with a distinct lack of enthusiasm. "I got an A."

"Then what's the matter?" Kurt asked.

"My Dad's here," he said and turned to Burt for the first time, a hint of accusation in his glare.

Burt had the decency to look a little bit guilty. "I told him to call you first, but you know how stubborn the Anderson men are," Burt said.

Kurt grabbed Blaine's hand and pulled him to sit beside him on the bed. "Did you talk to him? Is he really here because of your grade?"

"Yes I talked to him. And no," he said softly. He brushed the soft skin of Kurt's knuckles. Kurt's hands were one of his favorite things about him. Always gentle. And now they were turning purple with bruising. "He didn't come because of my grade. He says he's here because of you."

Kurt pursed his lips in silence, but Burt's low rumble drew both of their attention. "When something like this happens, a Dad needs to see his kid. He just wanted to make sure you were okay Blaine." Blaine nodded. He understood and it meant more to him than he could say.

"Mr. Hummel?" Everyone looked up, a nurse interrupting them from the door. "The police are asking again when they can see you."

"Kurt you don't need to deal with them yet," Blaine insisted protectively. "You have to concentrate on getting better."

"Right now I have to concentrate on peeing," Kurt declared. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and Blaine jumped off, grabbing his arm. "Tell them they can come in an hour. Blaine don't look at me like that, we need to get these guys off the street."

Blaine shook his head. The Andersons weren't any more stubborn than the Hummels, he thought while they slowly made their way to the bathroom. Blaine tried to stay but Kurt kicked him out, swearing that if he couldn't pee by himself than they had bigger problems than the police coming. Burt laughed from the armchair in the corner, suddenly picturing them as an old married couple, bickering about everything and nothing. It was an image he adored.

"I don't think he's ready for the police yet," Blaine worried, sitting back down on the bed.

"I don't think _you're_ ready for the police yet," Burt corrected him. "I think he's been ready since his eyes opened."

Blaine sighed, running his hands over his face. "I just-."

The buzz of Kurt's phone interrupted them. Shuffling back from the bathroom across the room Kurt called, "Blaine can you get that? It's probably just Rachel calling for the hundredth time."

Blaine was torn between helping Kurt back to his bed and reaching for the cell on the nightstand beside him, but his hand froze inches above it when he caught sight of the name. "It's David Karofsky," he breathed.

_Someone is on your side  
Someone else is not  
_

Kurt stilled for just a second before he looked up, determined. "Answer it."

Against his better judgment, Blaine did the absolute last thing he wanted to do and brought the phone to his ear. "Hello," he answered. His voice was hard.

"Oh, Blaine." David's startled voice rang in Blaine's ears. This was his fault. If it weren't for Karofsky, Kurt wouldn't have ever gone after these guys and he wouldn't be suffering. And now he had the audacity to call and for what? "It's David Karofsky. I heard about Kurt and I just wanted to see how he was."

_He's battered and bruised and he wouldn't have felt the need to charge head first into a gay bashing if you hadn't tortured him all through high school_, Blaine thought. "He's strong," he said instead, squeezing his eyes shut with the force it took to hold back the words that fought to escape.

"Can I talk to him?"

Blaine bit his lip and lowered the phone. "He wants to talk to you." Kurt had made it back to the bed and met Blaine's eyes, golden mirrors to his soul, pleading for him not to say yes.

_While we're seeing our side  
Maybe we forgot.  
_

"Sure." Kurt reached out and Blaine handed it over, both holding on to it for a brief instant where their eyes locked and unspoken words flew between them.

_He did this_, Blaine pleaded in protest.

_He did this_, Kurt answered proudly.

_They are not alone  
No one is alone_

Burt saw it all and understood both of them. As Blaine let go of the phone, let go of his need to protect Kurt from a man from who he didn't want protection, he felt Burt's hand on his shoulder. "Come on," Burt steered him gently. "Let's get some coffee."

* * *

They were silent as they rode the elevator downstairs to the cafeteria. At the counter Burt picked up the tab and Blaine followed him to a table. Blaine sat, fiddling with his coffee, waiting for it to cool. His thoughts just kept drifting upstairs to Kurt, talking to his first tormentor. The bully who had driven Kurt so close to the edge that it hadn't even been frightening to Kurt to jump.

Staring at his cup, he asked Burt quietly, "How do you do it?"

"Do what?" Burt answered.

Blaine just shook his head. He didn't even really know what he was asking. "I keep thinking 'what if?'. And that I should have been there. He invited me to come and I said no so I could mope over a grade. A stupid grade that I let my father blow up at me about and what does it even matter in the long run? Kurt was on the street fighting for his life and I was reaching for stupid Star Wars…" he trailed off. He knew his father was right, this shouldn't have happened at all. But Blaine had known it could have. He had told Kurt to be careful. "I should have been there to protect him."

"You know what Kurt did in high school every time he knew you were going to be with your father?" Burt asked. Blaine looked up, his forehead creased in question. "He paced. He went through all the 'what ifs'. He went back and forth about whether he should be there for you, to protect you like he had that first time, because he had promised. And you know what he decided?"

"What?" Blaine swallowed.

"He decided that the only way that you would truly be able to feel that you could fight back was if you did it on your own," Burt told him. "It's the hardest part of loving someone. Letting them go."

_It's your choice_ Kurt had told him when his father had called.

"I just…" Blaine tried to let go of the pain in his heart but it wouldn't leave. "If I can't take care of him then I just need him to take care of himself."

"He was taking care of himself," Burt said. "Look kid, I know exactly how you feel. When I came in here I came in guns blazing, shouted at him for putting himself at risk like that, but you know what? I think he'd do it again in a heartbeat. With or without you or me by his side. And that may be the hardest thing in the world for either one of us to deal with, but we have to. We love a stubborn man." Blaine laughed roughly, shaking his head. "But he's a good man."

"He's the best," Blaine whispered.

* * *

Blaine rushed out of class to meet Kurt near the memorial, texting along the way and picking up his pace when he saw Kurt waiting against the wall.

"Hey," Blaine said. "You sure you're up for this? You just got out of the hospital; you don't have to do this."

"I do." Kurt told Blaine. This hadn't just been his battle to fight. "I want to."

They walked down the street, hands stuffed in their pockets.

Kurt's strength throughout all this had been what kept Blaine going and now he wondered how he'd ever thought he would have been stronger. He watched as Kurt crouched down, swapping out the old flowers for new for the man that Kurt had saved. "I heard he woke up," Blaine shared. "I heard he's gonna be okay."

Kurt though was quiet, lost in his own thoughts. Blaine didn't push. He just linked his arm with Kurt's and rested his head on Kurt's shoulder, knowing even in their pain how lucky they were.

They stayed that way until Burt and John walked up and joined them. "He's the one that just got out of the hospital Blaine, he should be leaning on you," Burt smirked.

"Now that would be admitting he's not Braveheart, and I don't think that's gonna happen," Blaine teased.

"You're looking good Kurt," John said, holding his hand out.

Kurt shook it with only a moment's hesitation. "Thank you. The healing is slow but it gets better day by day."

John's eyes met Blaine's and he nodded with his own meaning. "Day by day," he agreed.

Blaine smiled softly. "I should get you to the airport Dad, don't want you to miss your flight. Here let me take that for you." He reached for his father's suitcase then turned back to Kurt, worry in his eyes. "You gonna be okay?"

"I got here just fine on my own Blaine," Kurt reminded him.

"I'll walk him back," Burt said with wink, laying a steady hand on his son's shoulder. "Better not to take our chances." He raised a brow. "Right Kurt?"

"Well since Blaine is apparently right and we're not too old for our fathers to yell at us, I better listen," Kurt said wryly.

Burt laughed and ruffled his hair. "You'll never get too old for me to yell at you, now come on, let's get you home."

"I'll see you at dinner Kurt," Blaine promised and the Hummel's walked away. "Take it easy," he called after him.

John wrapped an arm around his son and gave him a squeeze. "He's gonna be fine Blaine. Kurt can take care of himself," he said with respect.

Blaine looked at his father and smiled. "We're gonna be fine too," he said.

* * *

"Now I will see you two soon," Burt was lecturing at the airport. "You keep each other safe and don't go barreling head first into any more fights, at least until you're all healed up from this one." He passed it off lightly, but Blaine and Kurt both knew he was serious.

"We'll be alright sir," Blaine promised and shook his hand. "You have a safe flight. And go give 'em hell in DC." The republicans had been having a field day with Kurt's attack. "Say hi to Carole for us."

"Will do." Burt reached out and pulled Kurt into his arms. "You take care of yourself," he said softly, choking up. "I don't know how many more frequent flyer miles I have left."

"Well, for the sake of your mileage awards then, I will refrain from saving the world at least for a few weeks," Kurt joked, then hugged him tighter. "I love you Dad."

"Love you too," Burt said, turning to grab his bags before wiping his eyes and Kurt and Blaine politely pretended not to see. "I'll call you when I land."

The boys waved as he went, falling quiet at the loss. It was nice having their parents around again, even if the reasons had been all wrong. They took a breath, as if the world had shifted and they weren't quite sure where to go from here.

_Hard to see the light now_

Kurt's gaze was low and Blaine followed it to his own hand. Kurt stared, as if unsure whether to take it or not. "You haven't held my hand since Russ was attacked," Blaine suddenly realized.

"I know."

_Just don't let it go_

Blaine looked up at him, not wanting to push, just wanting to know. "Why is that?"

It hadn't been intentional. But it had been instinctual. "I guess it just felt like we were back in Ohio."

_Things will come out right now_

"I know we both thought it couldn't happen here but the truth is, it can happen anywhere. My Dad knew that," Blaine remembered. "But we can't let them win like that. You're a Hummel."

"And you're a soldier's son," Kurt said.

_We can make it so_

Blaine reached his hand out, offering his palm, and his eyes turned to Kurt in earnest. "So we keep fighting?"

Kurt gently placed his hand atop of Blaine's and slowly laced their fingers together. "Together. We keep fighting together."

_Someone is on your side  
No one is alone._

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**I hope you enjoyed. Santana should return next chapter. Until then…**


	3. Tested

**Author's Note:**

**I continue to absolutely adore Glee: New York and I continue to absolutely adore my beautiful readers. You are the best.**

**For some reason, despite the fact that I am Blaine in so many many ways, I had a much easier time writing and understanding Kurt in this one. That's a rare occurrence so I enjoyed it while I could.**

**I couldn't have written this chapter without my bff tifarae and of course my beta typegirl19. And dear Brooke Lipton, you are my Gleek of the week.**

**Glee's words are Glee's. The rest are mine.**

* * *

If it had happened slowly it may have been easier for Blaine to handle. But overnight, Kurt went from swimming just beneath the radar to hero.

Kurt's first day back after the attack, Blaine had walked proudly by his side, hand in hand. But he quickly got lost in the shuffle as professors, students, and staff crowded him out in an attempt to wish Kurt well, tell him how proud they were of him and shake his hand for jumping in where others might have run. Blaine stood back and watched as Kurt's gait grew stronger, his face grew brighter and his body stood taller. Pride did not even begin to define the swell in Blaine's chest. Kurt deserved every bit of the attention and praise and there was nothing in the world he wanted more. But overwhelming was the force by which he wanted to just shout _He's Mine_, sweep Kurt into his arms to kiss him and show the world that the most incredible man in New York belonged to him. That they belonged to each other.

Instead he stayed by the wall, forgotten and invisible and knowing all too well that Kurt wouldn't want that kind of affection in school. And as the attention grew, as men older than him and taller than him and far more toned than him all showered their attentions on the man he loved, Blaine began to wonder if maybe he was holding Kurt back. If maybe the scars from his past were wounds too deep to allow Kurt the life and the love he deserved. If maybe Kurt deserved a man, and not a boy trying to be one.

"Hey," Kurt said a bit breathlessly finally breaking through the crowd to reach Blaine's side. "Some of the guys invited me out to Karaoke after class today, you wanna come?"

"No," Blaine blinked once then twice, trying to come back from that place in his mind he knew was unhelpful. "Thank you. But I, um…" His mouth suddenly went dry with the feeling like he was coming up with an excuse and he didn't know why. "I mean, Sam and I have plans already. You have fun."

Kurt grinned and gave him a quick squeeze of his hand. "Ok, you and Sam have fun too. I'll text you tonight," he said happily bouncing back off into the crowd.

The hallway soon emptied and Blaine was left alone, wondering if anyone had even noticed he'd been standing there. He kicked off the wall and tugged his messenger bag tight. He was being ridiculous. Sure he was having trouble making friends and Kurt was better in all of their classes than him and had this whole life in New York that was separate from him but that was okay.

Because New York was his oyster, he thought as he stepped out on the street, and it was full of amazing sights and amazing people and most especially amazing food.

He stopped in at his favorite coffee shop on the way to the subway and the girl behind the counter, Jenny, he knew by now, flashed him a bright smile as soon as he made his way to the front of the line. "Hey Blaine," she greeted, her eyes warm and welcoming and well, if they were just a little bit flirty he wasn't going to turn down the attention. "Can I get you your usual today?"

"You betcha," Blaine said happily. "How'd that audition go yesterday?" he asked with genuine interest while she prepared his order.

Jenny shrugged. "Eh, you know how it is," she said. "You're great but you're not what we're looking for, blah, blah, blah."

"Aw, the right role is coming for you someday I know it," he said encouragingly, trading her his cash for the coffee and cronut.

"Thanks," she said sincerely. "And this way I get to see your smiling face every day instead."

Blaine beamed and took his food to a table. Yeah New York was tough and it was hard to figure out exactly where he belonged, but at least he had Jenny's smiling face and cronuts to cheer him up when things got tough.

* * *

He stopped at the restaurant Saturday night on the way to Kurt's. After the horror of his pants splitting he'd resolved to get back on track, go back to salads and healthy foods like he'd eaten in high school. But the moment he stepped foot in the Filipino restaurant the delicious smells of ginger and soy filled his senses and his stomach growled with desire. Before he even really had a chance to register what he was doing he'd ordered the Pancit Palabok and took a seat on the bench to wait. He could have a salad tomorrow.

_From Kurt to Blaine [6:03pm]: Band rehearsal's running late, Elliot's got these amazing new moves to show us and a brand new song._

Of course he does, Blaine thought wryly.

_From Kurt to Blaine [6:05pm]: Be home about 9. Eat without me of course, I'll grab a salad when I get home. There's fresh veges in the fridge if you want them._

_From Blaine to Kurt [6:07pm]: Ok. See you then._

"Blaine?" A girl came out behind the register holding his bag of dinner. She smiled sweetly at him.

"Thanks Anna," he said, offering her his credit card with his own charming smile. "Busy night tonight," he commented looking around.

"Saturday night is always busy. But eating at home is better," she said with a wink.

Blaine hid his blush looking down to sign the receipt and traded the pen for his food. "Have a great night," he told her.

"You too."

He took his dinner to the loft, hugging his things to slip his key into the lock. He threw his bag and his coat by the door and grabbed chopsticks, sitting alone at the table to savor the delicious meal.

It was funny how Kurt had ever thought the loft was too crowded. But at least Blaine had his food for company and with one bite of the rice noodle dish, shrimp popping just right in his mouth, he moaned into the rich flavors that reminded him of home, glad he had time to eat before Kurt could come back and yell at him for finishing the entire thing in one sitting.

* * *

"So how did rehearsal with Rachel and Elliot go tonight?" Blaine asked. He was perched on the couch, his chin resting on his arms on the back of the couch watching Kurt make himself a salad. Kurt had offered him one but Blaine politely declined. His stomach was still heavy from his own dinner that maybe he'd had about ten mouthfuls too many. "Are things working out with just the three of you?"

"Well it would certainly be better if Santana would return from wherever the hell she is," Kurt said with great snark, dripping a bit of oil and balsamic vinegar atop his greens. "But I think the three of us sound really good together. We could be a modern day Peter, Paul and Mary," he grinned impishly. God Blaine loved that smile.

"Well I can't wait to hear you. When's your next gig?" He curled himself up on one side of the couch, a pillow comfortably in his lap, hiding what felt like the giant swell of his stomach. It had been delicious but now he just felt guilty, like he'd let himself down. Tomorrow he would stop this foolishness.

Kurt joined him on the couch with his healthful salad, taking a seat on the other side. "Not for another couple of weeks. We wanted to wait for Rachel and now we're waiting for Santana, and at least this way we have lots of time to practice. Plus with things getting crazy at school it's hard to find the time," Kurt said.

Blaine stilled for a second. "What's going on at school?"

"Oh you know, just the usual. I've got more people asking if I'll perform in their director's projects and Professor Jaumin wants me to sing for a demo for Voice I." Kurt rolled his eyes as if he this new found demand was a horrible burden, but Blaine knew he was loving every second of it. "I'm actually surprised she didn't ask you."

Blaine resisted the urge to frown. "Well I am just a freshman," he shrugged with forced indifference, but his eyes fell with the heaviness in his chest. He knew that back at Dalton or McKinley he would have been the one chosen, not Kurt. And he didn't want to be jealous because Kurt deserved everything he was getting. But then again, didn't he deserve it too?

He grabbed the remote and turned on the television. It was Saturday night and little was on so he loaded up an old Bridezilla and went to the kitchen. He looked in the fridge. He just needed a little something. He knew Kurt would want him to eat something healthy. There was a bag of celery that looked completely unappetizing and instead he grabbed the butter. "You want some coffee and popcorn?" he asked.

"Coffee yes, popcorn no," Kurt called behind him. Blaine set the machine humming and threw the bag in the microwave. "Do you believe these women Blaine? I mean, how much money do the producers have to be paying them to make complete fools of themselves and destroy their own wedding?"

"Some people just want their 15 minutes of fame, they don't really much care how they get it," Blaine said, swapping out Kurt's mug for his own and setting the machine once more. "They should make a new show. Groomzilla."

"Every gay man in New York would clamor for the role," Kurt rolled his eyes.

"Even you?" Blaine arched a brow as the microwave went off. He pulled it out, burning himself of course on the first attempt to open the bag, then dumped the popcorn into a bowl. He quickly microwaved a larger dollop of butter than he probably he should have and drizzled it on top. He grabbed their two coffee mugs and balanced all of it carefully back to coffee table.

"No, definitely not me," Kurt stated firmly. But a smile pulled at his lips and he set his salad bowl down. "But you on the other hand." He looked up at Blaine, waiting for him to sit then slid in right next to him. His eyelids grew heavy as he leaned in close. "You would make a gorgeous Groomzilla." Kurt closed the distance and kissed Blaine softly at first but quickly set to deepen it. Blaine allowed himself to get lost in the kiss, he wanted it so much, wanted Kurt so much. Blaine hummed into his lips when he felt Kurt's hand trace over his shoulder and down his back, resting on his ass. The ass that just yesterday had split his new pair of pants. He pulled back quickly, aiming for nonchalance but failing, and picked up his coffee mug. "What's wrong?" Kurt frowned.

Blaine blinked and took a drink, stalling as he thought. "I just don't think I'd be too zilla a groom I guess. I mean, I hope I won't be." He put his coffee down and pulled the popcorn onto his lap. He tried to ignore Kurt's sigh at him, and the move back against the other end of the couch in a huff. "I mean watch this," he said pointing the TV. "I'm nothing like this."

They watched for the hour, Kurt finishing his salad, Blaine munching away at his popcorn, commenting every once in a while on the show. He popped the corn into his mouth, barely even tasting it, until the bowl was empty and the show was over.

Kurt took it from his hands and placed it on the table with a sultry look in his eyes. "What do you say you and I practice for our wedding night," Kurt whispered in his ear and Blaine's eyes rolled back when he felt Kurt's lips and teeth and tip of his tongue begin to work first on his ear and then his neck. "We can worry about what we're going to wear later. We could just practice taking it off now."

Kurt's hand was strong on his thigh and moving upwards to his side and every nerve in Blaine's body came alive with anticipation before Kurt's fingers slid beneath his shirt and his hand stroked over his belly button.

Blaine jumped back again, without thought and without warning, anything to get Kurt's hand away from the softness of his stomach. "Why don't we just talk tonight Kurt. Imagine Dragons and Melissa McCarthy are on Saturday Night Live."

"Blaine what's the matter with you?" Kurt asked, his eyes narrowing. "You didn't hear something back from the clinic like Artie did you?"

Blaine's face went pale and his eyes went wide. "Oh no, Kurt, god no, definitely not. I just…" He just what? Didn't want Kurt to know how fat he was? How undesirable? How incredibly unlike all the men who wanted him at NYADA? "I just miss you," he said, sliding in closer to take Kurt's hand. "I want to talk, I feel like we never see each other anymore."

"We see each other all the time Blaine," Kurt argued.

A pang went through Blaine's heart but he hid it. "Yeah, no I just mean, we're always in class and you've been really busy lately and I miss," _making love with you,_ "talking to you. You know, just talking."

Kurt was staring at him, as if he couldn't figure out who this person in front of him was and maybe that was so much truer a problem than Kurt even knew. Then his face hardened. "Yeah, sure, whatever." Regret struck Blaine for just a moment, but he knew he couldn't be with Kurt, not tonight. Not when the moment Kurt undressed him he'd realize that he wasn't the guy that he'd fallen in love with anymore, that he was just some dumb kid. That he deserved someone better. "What do you want to talk about?" Kurt asked with a tired sigh. But he wrapped an arm around Blaine and pulled him in close.

Blaine smiled softly. This he could do. This is what he needed. To know that he and Kurt could still sit up all night and cuddle and talk about nothing and everything and no matter what those other guys had on the outside, no matter how they looked at Kurt or Kurt looked at them, they didn't have this with him. They couldn't have this with him.

* * *

He'd begged out of the loft late Sunday morning with an excuse that he had homework to do. Which wasn't a lie, but it was also not really the truth. If the idea of Kurt seeing him naked had been worrisome the night before it had been terrifying in broad daylight. And after breakfast in bed, Kurt had seemed quite intent on making that happen and Blaine had so badly wanted to say yes that he had to get out of there while he could still say no.

So instead Kurt texted his friends at school and walked Rachel to the theater before heading to the gym with the guys that Blaine was beginning to hate. Watching him walk off to the subway arm linked with Rachel, he couldn't help but truly look at Kurt as everyone at school saw him. He wasn't that boy who had for so long been told he was unmanly that he couldn't even imagine being sexy. He wasn't the boy that had needed the walls of Dalton for protection or someone by his side to make a stand. He wasn't even the boy that had nervously stood up to the Colonel or feared Blaine's friendship with Santana or worried that Blaine was going to take the leading role from him. Because the boy that had left Blaine behind at McKinley was nothing like the man that walked away from him now. That man was the leading man, he had proven beyond a doubt that he could protect himself on his own, and he was stronger than anyone back home could have imagined he'd ever be.

And Blaine was starting to believe that maybe Kurt was better off where he was going to, instead of being held back by where he'd come from.

* * *

A note told him that Sam and Mercedes had gone to church and he had the house to himself. He went to his room, grabbed his books and opened his laptop, staring at the screen with his mind racing instead of writing his five page theater history paper due Tuesday. Bargaining with himself that he'd just spend a minute online he opened his email and a new message.

_To: Santana Lopez  
From: Blaine Anderson  
Subject: Hurry Home_

_Dear Santana,_

_You need to hurry home, there's this Spanish restaurant that makes a seafood paella as good as your mother always made, maybe even better, and I need a date since Kurt's been on this health kick since the attack._

_Plus I miss you._

_You were supposed to be here when I came to New York you know. You were gonna be my girl and keep me sane and smack me upside the head when I started fucking things up with Kurt._

_He's changed so much. And not just since the attack, though everything's changed since then. He's a hero at school and he's getting all these amazing opportunities and he's working out in the gym and he's incredible at Stage Combat Santana, you should see him wield a sword. He's so different you almost wouldn't recognize him. I almost don't recognize him._

_It's almost like that day at Dalton I proposed to a memory. And I was blind to it before but now that other people are looking I can't help but open my eyes and I'm finally realizing that he isn't the boy who needed my permission to leave Ohio. Honestly I'm not sure he needs me at all anymore._

_I know now why you did what you did with Rachel. Because when you've always been on top afraid to fall and suddenly you're crashing down it's easier to grasp hold of anything to keep you from plummeting rather than feel the pain of hitting bottom._

_It hurts to know that maybe he's moving past me. Maybe I was meant to be with that memory but too much time has passed and he's changed too much. Maybe in this lifetime we were only meant to be together for a time. Maybe we weren't meant to be forever._

He'd just let the words pour out without thinking and pushed send before he could reread or rethink it. He meant to go right back to his homework but the feeling inside him would not fade away. The feeling that he was lost, that he was losing, that he was floating and needed something to ground him, Kurt's arms, Kurt's hands, Kurt's lips and skin and something to assure him that despite all his fears Kurt did still love him. Lost in his head, his fingers acting without instruction his cursor hovered on the search bar above. He told himself he was just searching for inspiration, for something to show him the kind of body he could have if he just started trying again and stopped stuffing his emptiness with food. The kind of body that Kurt could love, could be proud to stand next to, that Kurt would want to stand up in public and declare _he's mine_. And the image of that, the image of Kurt claiming him threw him over the edge and he knew exactly what he was looking for and he knew exactly what he was going to do with it because he needed this, he needed to let go of the stress that was bottled up inside, the things he had so desperately wanted to do with Kurt this morning but couldn't bring himself to do because he knew the moment Kurt saw him he would realize how much better he could do. Leaving his book behind, he brought his laptop over to his bed. Just once and then he would fix this. He would get himself in shape and he would make Kurt still love him. Just once and he would leave this all behind him and prove to himself and everyone else at school that he could be the man that Kurt deserved.

* * *

Kurt grabbed his coat and stormed out of Blaine's apartment so grateful that he had an apartment of his own to storm out to. He should have known. He should have seen the signs, hell he _had _seen the signs but he'd been an idiot, thinking that Blaine would come to him when he was ready before he ran away to some other guy.

It didn't even matter that it had just been bodies on a computer screen. What mattered was that after all this time, after the constant reassurance, Blaine still didn't believe that Kurt would be there for him when he needed him. Blaine still didn't trust him. And Kurt understood that it wasn't a trust that he could earn, it was a trust deep inside Blaine that had never grown, a trust that should have told him he was worthy of being loved and cared for. But knowing didn't make it any less exhausting to deal with. It didn't make it any easier. It didn't make it hurt any less or make him feel like he wasn't doing something wrong every time Blaine pulled away. It just made him wish desperately that Blaine would someday feel okay in his own skin so they didn't have to do this anymore.

There was nothing he could do to tell Blaine. There was nothing he could say. All the _I Love You's_ and _we belong togethers_ and _this is forevers_ couldn't get past the walls guarding Blaine's heart. The only thing that broke through Blaine's defenses was showing him, making love with him, and Blaine had shut him out.

He knew that Blaine was struggling here. He knew that just like he and Rachel, the freshman doubts that plagued NYADA students were rearing their ugly head. And he knew that the attack had shattered a sense of safety for both of them that they'd believed would exist here. It was why Kurt had taken to the gym, why he was throwing himself into Stage Combat which he surprisingly excelled at. He had promised Blaine they would keep fighting, together, and he wasn't taking that promise lightly.

_From Blaine to Kurt [6:35pm]: Kurt, I'm sorry._

But he was tired of fighting Blaine's demons. And he was definitely tired of fighting them harder than Blaine.

_From Kurt to Blaine [6:38pm]: I know._

_From Blaine to Kurt [6:39pm]: Can we still meet at the diner tomorrow before class?_

But Kurt loved him. And though he couldn't protect Blaine from himself, he could make him keep fighting.

_From Kurt to Blaine [6:41pm]: Yes _

* * *

_To: Blaine Anderson  
From: Santana Lopez  
Subject: Re: Hurry Home  
_

_Blaine Anderson, that is the biggest load of crap email I have ever read, what the HELL is going on in New York?! I'm gonna come back if for no other reason then to slap you upside the head until I knock some sense into you. Then I'm going to do it again just for good measure. And don't go getting all triggery on me, you know it's a fucking metaphor, Boyfriend._

_Kurt loves you, you dumbass, and if you think for one second that's gonna change because he's finally graduated from Barbie to GI Joe then perhaps you've forgotten who you are. You claim to be a soldier's son, remember? So man up and act like it!_

* * *

Kurt could see it when Blaine took the helmet off, the anger turn to embarrassment and shame when he remembered this hadn't been their own private duel but a class full of students were watching them.

"Alright guys, I think that's enough for one day," the instructor announced.

Kurt put his equipment away and piled into the dressing room to change out of his fencing gear. Blaine must have raced because he was nearly dressed by the time he arrived. He didn't look at Kurt, but as the rest of the guys in the class started piling in, they definitely looked at Blaine. Kurt could hear their snickering while he changed, their whispering, questions of _how'd he get in this class anyway_, and he watched Blaine's neck turn red. He also saw his hands curl into fists. Blaine grabbed his bag and pushed through the small crowd to get out of the room without even once glance back at Kurt.

"Blaine," Kurt called after him.

Blaine paused for a just moment, then Kurt watched helpless and frustrated as Blaine stormed out the door.

"Trouble in paradise Hummel?" One of the guys asked. He sounded sympathetic, but Kurt was neither dumb nor blind. He knew the way the guys were looking at him now. And he could hear the glee in his voice at just the idea that Kurt might be single soon. "We're all going out to lunch, want to join?"

"No thanks," he muttered grabbing his things. "I have to go to work."

Kurt was still upset as he arrived at the diner, but the walk and the change in atmosphere calmed him some. He went to the employee bathroom to change into his uniform then came out to relieve Rachel.

"Thank you so much for covering for me during class. I have no idea how they screwed up the schedule," he said as he grabbed his apron and tied it around himself.

"No problem, I could use the money anyway," Rachel shrugged, taking her apron off. "Blaine came by earlier looking for you. I told him you'd already left."

"Thanks," Kurt mumbled and the scowl on his face was certainly not missed by his best friend.

"He seemed kinda upset you weren't here." Rachel leaned on the counter, with a frown. "Are you two fighting again?"

"Quite literally, yes," Kurt nodded with an eyeroll.

"What are you fighting about?" Rachel asked.

"Honestly I have no idea," Kurt muttered, though that wasn't exactly true. He knew exactly _what_. He just had no idea _why_. "He's just been really weird lately."

"Well maybe it has nothing to do with you?" Rachel suggested optimistically. "Maybe it's something with his Dad or classes. I mean, he is in mostly sophomore classes as a freshman. That would be a lot of pressure for anyone but Blaine's a perfectionist."

"No Rachel, I mean you're right about all that but…" the vision of Blaine's desktop flashed before his eyes. "Trust me, this has something to do with me." He ducked down for a second to grab the ketchup so he could fill the bottles. "It's like everything was fine and then snap. Suddenly he's force feeding me fat and calories and doesn't want to…" he looked around then leaned in to whisper to Rachel, "have sex."

Rachel smirked. "I had noticed it's been a little quiet behind your curtains lately, but I figured you were just going at it before I got home and honestly I was counting my blessings," she teased. Kurt though just glared and turned his back to work at the back counter. Rachel took pity on him. "Look Kurt, Blaine's lived a pretty sheltered life until now. I know you never looked at it like that, but…" Kurt turned back to listen, leaning against the counter. "It sounds to me like moving to New York's been harder for him than it was for you. Maybe you just need to cut him some slack and help him ease in a little bit more. Especially at NYADA."

Kurt knew Rachel was right and he frowned with a touch of regret. "Like not going at him quite so hard in our fencing match? I got two strikes on him without even breaking a sweat."

Rachel gasped and covered her mouth. "Oh no Kurt, you didn't!"

"What?" Kurt asked innocently. "Just because he's my boyfriend doesn't mean I can't try to beat him." But his choice of words brought Blaine's fighting back to him. The way he'd recoiled from the swing of the sword but punched with all his strength during boxing. The way he'd cringed and cried out each time the rapier had struck. And suddenly he realized exactly why Blaine was struggling so much and how big a mistake he might have made. "Oh god Rachel, I did."

* * *

"Hey Coop." Blaine tried to keep his voice steady, to hide the fact that his thoughts were racing and his heart was aching and Kurt's icy glare as he'd backed away from their match was etched into his mind.

He'd just had to get out of there as fast as he could. His hands had shook as he changed, an unbearable mix of anger and embarrassment and fear gripping him in a crowd that held none of the safety that he'd felt in Glee club. He'd wished he'd had Santana or Tina or Nick to whisk him away to the shelter of the auditorium or the chapel to laugh or cry or yell in a place that embraced him. But he wasn't in Ohio anymore and he didn't have a refuge here beyond the food he stuffed in his mouth. And he didn't want to do that anymore.

He could still feel the sting of the rapier on his back and side but whether it was real or imagined he didn't know. All he knew was that he hated the feeling.

He'd found himself in Central Park with the phone in his hand and Cooper on the line before he'd even really realized what he was doing. He supposed it was because only Cooper would truly understand.

"What's wrong Squirt?" Cooper asked with concern. "And don't tell me nothing because I hear it in your voice and you called me which means you want to talk."

"Why don't you have a girlfriend Coop?" Blaine asked. "And I don't mean girlfriends," he stressed the plural, "I mean a steady girlfriend."

"Is this about Kurt or did Mom send you fishing?" Cooper replied suspiciously.

"Just answer the question," Blaine pushed tiredly.

Blaine heard Cooper sigh, considering the question, and it sounded like he was settling in for what his brother suspected would not be a quick conversation. "I don't know. I think I'm just not really relationship material."

"Because of Dad?" He might as well cut to the chase.

"Well it's not like he was really the best of role models. It wasn't like things were perfect before you were born Squirt," Cooper reminded him and Blaine knew it answered the question. "Things were still bad. Just not _as_ bad."

Blaine frowned. He realized that though Cooper finally knew all about him, he still really didn't know much about what Cooper had been through. "You don't think you could, I don't know," Blaine shrugged. "Do better?"

Cooper gave a quick chuckle. "I'm not you Blaine."

Blaine scoffed and rolled his eyes. "I'm not that special Coop." In fact he felt about as far from special as the earth to the sun.

"You and Kurt fighting, Blaine?" Cooper finally guessed.

Blaine looked up at the sky. White clouds drifted, forming and changing right before his eyes. Even though he sat right here, staying exactly the same, the world around him was always shifting. "Yeah, I guess. I mean, I don't even know." Blaine wearily ran his hand down his face. "I did something he didn't like and he walked out on me and then he quote unquote _forgot _to text me this morning before class that we weren't meeting and he says he's not still mad about what I did but he sure as hell seems to be because he beat the crap out of me in stage combat, which apparently I completely suck at-"

"Woah, hey, slow down their tiger," Cooper interrupted. "Breathe for God's sake." Blaine did as he was told and took a breath. "Now, what is this horrible thing you did?"

Blaine fingered his gloves. "It's kinda private Coop," he blushed.

"Oookay then," Coop said, trying again. "Why did you do it, whatever _it_ was?"

"I don't know," Blaine said honestly. "I guess I'm just feeling like I don't belong, like I'm not really good enough for anyone; Dad, you, everyone at NYADA, Kurt-"

"Wait, me?"

"And most of that's not a new feeling I know, but I've always been the best at school, I've always been good enough there and here…" He bit his lip, shame and doubt weighing on him like the world. "Here, I'm not even close."

"Maybe you're putting too much pressure on yourself, Squirt. You don't have to be good at everything."

"But Kurt is!" Blaine yelled. "You should see him Cooper, you wouldn't even recognize him. His body is incredible, everyone at school loves him, he's amazing in his classes, he's one of the most talented guys here and it's like, I'm none of those things and Kurt deserves all of that in the man he loves and I always thought I was before but I can't even say no to my own father for God's sake and the only thing I'm good at these days is stuffing my face full of cronuts." Tears pooled in his eyes and he got up, unable to sit still. "And what is there to love in that?"

Cooper was quiet a minute and Blaine leaned back against the bark of a tree, closing his eyes. "Have you told all this to Kurt?" he finally asked gently.

"No," Blaine said, his voice cracking. "I've tried but he says we talk too much, which is ridiculous because clearly we don't talk enough. Maybe he's just tired of what I have to say."

"Or maybe you're still just hiding." At Cooper's words Blaine fell silent. They hit him hard. "Blaine, he's been there a year longer than you. Of course he's going to be better. And I'm sure he went through this too."

"No," Blaine said defensively. "He was a star as soon as he got here, he had Vogue and Adam and then he beat Rachel in a diva off as soon as he got into NYADA and I know he's been here longer that's why there's no way I can keep up! He's on the fucking news as a hero for god's sake when three years ago he couldn't even stand up to a high school bully without me by his side and I still can't even stand up to my own father. He's better here, stronger here than he ever was with me by his side." He sniffed and wiped his eyes from the tears that fell. "Maybe he's better off that way," he whispered.

"Come on Squirt, Kurt loves you, you know that's not true."

"Yes it is!" Blaine cried, not even caring at this point who might hear him. "I used to know who I was. People looked up to me and respected me. _Kurt_ looked up to me and respected me. I was someone that he could be proud of and now…" He pulled his knees to his chest and pulled the phone in tight. "I'm nothing here Coop. I'm trying so hard but no matter what I do he's better than me. What could he possibly love about me? I'm a high school star who obviously can't make it in the real world."

"Blaine," Cooper said softly, softly enough that Blaine had to stop crying to hear him. "Those voices in your head, they aren't Kurt's. And they aren't right. Go home to him. Be honest with him. You want to be the man he deserves? Well he deserves that."

* * *

_For the first time in my life, I really feel like I'm losing._

_I loved being able to protect you…_

_You don't need me anymore, to protect or anything._

_I'd much rather be running this race with you rather than against you._

_As equals._

_I'm always going to love you._

Wrapped in Kurt's arms he worked so hard to believe it. To believe that Kurt would always love him and they would run the race together. To trust that Kurt would wait for him while he fought to catch up.

"I love you," Blaine sobbed into his shoulder.

Kurt just held him while he cried, letting out all the fear and frustration. He knew there was more they needed to talk about. What he'd meant to talk about before Blaine had thrown him for this loop, but there was time.

When he finally ran out of tears, Blaine pulled away, wiping his eyes with embarrassment. "I'm sorry," Blaine apologized again.

"You never need to apologize for how you feel Blaine, you just need to tell me. We have to be on the same side here for this to work. Love is _not_ a battlefield Blaine," he said firmly but with care. "I know you grew up that way, but I didn't and I won't."

Blaine nodded, the tears starting to fall again. "I know," he whispered. And he looked away from Kurt, biting his lips with shame because he knew exactly where this was headed.

Kurt hesitated. They needed to talk about this, _he_ needed to talk about this, but the last thing he wanted to do was upset Blaine more. But looking at Blaine, Kurt knew he was just waiting for it. So he didn't hold back. "When you were coming at me in fencing-"

"I felt it," Blaine admitted, his voice full of what Kurt could only call disgust. Blaine shook his head, as if he was trying to get rid of everything inside of him. "Kurt, you have to know I would never hurt you."

Kurt reached for him and laid a hand on Blaine's arm in comfort. "I do know that," Kurt assured him. "Do you?" Blaine hung his head, unable to answer which told Kurt everything he needed to know. "I'm not scared of you Blaine, but are you scared of yourself?"

"No," he squeaked then cleared his throat. He finally gained the courage to meet Kurt's eyes. "Not really. But I didn't like it. That feeling that for even a second a small part of me wanted to hurt you."

"Blaine, I think it's natural," Kurt said. "It's not like I was holding back, I wanted to win too."

"No Kurt, this was different. I didn't want to win I wanted you to lose. I wanted to knock you down just so I would feel stronger. I know that's how my father would feel and to feel it for myself…" Blaine's face fell, but though his eyes filled with regret he kept them on Kurt as if he owed him that much. "To blame you when I was at fault…"

Kurt fought the urge to sigh and instead took his hand. He didn't wonder how many times they were going to have to go through this, how many times Blaine was going to have to fight for his freedom. Because he knew that it would take a lifetime and he'd signed up for this and was never going back. "It doesn't make you like him," Kurt insisted firmly as to make Blaine believe it.

"I know that Kurt, I know." Blaine took a deep breath, trying to let go of the past and come back to the present. "And I'm sorry I ran out of there, I just…I just needed some time. To sort that out. And some other things."

"And what did you figure out?"

"Well, first of all," Blaine started, his eyes serious, "we should never be partners in stage combat when we're mad at each other. I've never felt that way before and I never even want to chance feeling it again."

"I completely agree," Kurt said with a nod. He tugged Blaine's hand and pulled him over to the couch, where they could talk more comfortably. "What else?"

"We _don't_ talk too much Kurt," Blaine insisted. "It's not fair of you to tell me to talk to you when I'm going through things but shut me out when we're fighting. I tried twice, but both times you walked away."

"And twice you chose to walk away rather than be honest about why you didn't want to be intimate," Kurt pointed out. "I was mad. I shouldn't have said that. We need to talk before we start fighting, before you start running, and yes," Kurt confessed knowing Blaine was absolutely right, "I need to listen better, even when I'm mad."Blaine smiled softly and Kurt did too, just for a moment taking in the beauty of the man before him. He was gorgeous on the outside and Kurt knew no matter what he always would be, but it was his heart that made him beautiful. "Anything else?"

Blaine shook his head. "The rest is me Kurt," Blaine told him. "I need to figure out who I am. Away from my father. As a fiancé."

Kurt scooted closer and linked their fingers tighter to make sure Blaine heard him. "The only thing I want you to be as a fiancé is you. To be your amazing, handsome, loving, overdramatic self who needs me too much and knows me too well and crowds me with love." Kurt smiled and cupped his face, brushing a thumb across his lips to make him smile too. "Who whether I'm ridiculously angry at you or passionately making love to you, makes me know I'm alive."

Blaine blushed shyly and teased, "Sondheim week was last week Kurt."

"Well what's this week's assignment then?" Kurt raised a brow with a smirk.

"Um, sex?" Blaine guessed with a furrowed brow, half joking and half serious. "I mean there was Sam and Mercedes, Artie and, well, whoever the heck he was dating, me and my website…" he trailed off when he realized he'd let the words slip.

"Yes, let's talk about that website for a minute, while we're talking," Kurt said, his eyes narrowing.

"Kurt, I'm sorry, I won't-"

"As long as we're going back to discussing Dalton, I've known you were into those websites since the first time we talked about sex," Kurt said.

Blaine winced. "And I've known you don't like them-"

He was cut off by Kurt's finger on his lips.

"But I was thinking," Kurt hinted. His smile turned flirtatious, his eyes darkened quickly and Blaine's heart skipped a beat. "Maybe they wouldn't be quite so bad if we looked at them together?"

Blaine swallowed hard and licked his suddenly dry lips. "Are you serious Kurt, you don't have to."

"I'm very serious Blaine," Kurt purred and leaned in to kiss Blaine just enough to leave him wanting before pulling back. "And I know I don't have to."

Blaine's heart raced. "Well, if this is the lesson of the week, they can certainly be very educational," he breathed.

Kurt tilted his head the way he did that drove Blaine wild. "As long as it's an advanced class. I think we've got the basics down pretty well, don't you?"

Heat crept up Blaine's spine, his nerves tingled beneath his skin and he couldn't stop the images that flashed through his mind. "Yes I do," he breathed. He grabbed Kurt's hand and pulled him into the bedroom, swiping the laptop from the desk and landing on the bed in one motion. Kurt laughed watching Blaine open it and log on as quickly as he could, talking while he typed. "Oh god Kurt, there's this one where the bottom has his legs…well I think you have to see it for yourself, but I just kept imagining you, I'm pretty sure you're flexible enough-"

"You're pretty sure _I'm_ flexible enough," Kurt arched a brow.

Blaine stopped what he was doing and stared Kurt down. "Yes Kurt," he maintained adamantly, accentuating the 't'. "I think _you're_ flexible enough," he repeated.

Kurt grinned deviously as he grabbed the laptop and placed it aside. In what seemed to be the same graceful movement he pushed Blaine down on the bed, throwing a leg over one side to rest atop him. "And is _that_ the way you want it?" Kurt smirked.

Blaine though would not be beaten this time and he grabbed Kurt and flipped him over, hovering above him pressing his hips against Kurt's just for good measure. "Yes, Kurt that's exactly the way I want it," he said roughly and he bent down and kissed him, firm and claiming until they were both out of breath. Only then did he push back up resting just inches from Kurt's face, his eyes now soft and pleading. "Please," he whispered.

Kurt looked up at beautiful smoky amber eyes. "You really imagine me when you look at those websites?" he asked and the touch of insecurity in Kurt's voice made Blaine's heart swell. He'd been crazy to think that Kurt would ever judge him.

"Of course Kurt," he said tenderly. "Even before I knew you."

Even if he'd wanted to Kurt couldn't stop himself from pulling Blaine down on top of him, and kissing him fiercely. He was done talking. There were times when talk was highly overrated. And Kurt knew exactly what the man he loved needed.

"Show me how strong you are Blaine," he whispered.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**I loved this episode, my children and I are obsessed with Love is a Battlefield. I believe it is my favorite number Glee has ever done. **

**This chapter didn't really come out how I expected it would and my amazing friend tifarae practically wrote a beautiful scene for this chapter that sadly didn't make it in, in an effort to help me understand Blaine's emotional eating. But I am for the most part happy with the way the chapter came out and I hope you were too.**

**See you next week!**


	4. Back Up Plan

**Author's Note:**

**Well hello everyone!**

**My gosh it's been a ridiculously busy but amazing week. Los Angeles was incredible! The Paramount Studios tour was glorious (and made me very sad I don't work there), The Legends of Oz premiere was super fun, and our rendezvous with Curt Mega was very special indeed for the whole family. My 6 year old now thinks that he's famous ;-P**

**So my apologies for not getting this out even close to on time. The airplane had no wifi which ordinarily wouldn't have been an issue except I really needed my girls' feedback to write this chapter because it was just not getting through all the other excitement.**

**This chapter encompasses Opening Night, Back Up Plan, and Old Dogs New Tricks, though it is primarily 5x18. It picks up pretty much where Opening Night ends. I told my amazing beta Typegirl19 that I wanted to name it "Opening Night Back Up Peter Plan". I'm don't know that it will live up to the long wait, but we can all just look forward to the Finale chapter!**

**I don't own Glee but I can now pinpoint every exterior scene that is filmed on the Paramount Lot. (Especially anything on the steps of Blaine and Samcedes apartment…which I may have squealed a little when I saw…and the Spotlight Diner, and the subway, and the NYADA doors, but I digress…)**

* * *

"Ugh, my head is killing me right now," Kurt groaned. He rolled over in Blaine's bed away from the window and the glare of light that was penetrating his delicate eyeballs.

Blaine chuckled unsympathetically. "You didn't even drink anything last night Kurt." He swung out of bed and unceremoniously dropped his pillow over Kurt's eyes.

Kurt pushed it off and rolled over on top of it instead. He watched Blaine's gorgeous form as he stood to dress, his perfect view of his perfectly imperfect fiancé. "No I didn't drink, but we partied at Elliot's favorite gay bar all night, came home to Sue Sylvester having slept with some random in my bed, went out at the butt crack of dawn to stress over Rachel's reviews, learned Mr. Schue named the baby after Finn and finally came back here for a whopping three hours of sleep."

"You could have had five hours of sleep Kurt," Blaine smirked. "That was all your doing."

"You're sexy as hell dancing in a club full of half naked men with your bowtie undone. I didn't even stand a chance." Blaine laughed and Kurt groaned. "How the hell are you so chipper?"

"Because I only got three hours of sleep instead of five," he said, wiggling his eyebrows. "And because I got to spend the evening with Tay Tay and 'Tana and your best friend just opened on Broadway." Blaine's eyes were wide with delight. "And I personally think it's hysterical that Sue Sylvester slept with some random in your bed."

"And all over the loft Blaine, that place needs to be disinfected," Kurt insisted.

"I'll do it for you," Blaine promised with a kiss.

"Well while you're doing stuff for me go make me some breakfast and coffee please before I pass out again and we miss our 3 o'clock class."

Blaine smiled and gave a quick salute. "You are my Gay Bar Superstar Kurt Hummel and your wish is my command."

Blaine went to the kitchen to set the coffee running, a dark roast hazelnut that they both enjoyed. Soon the smell filled the kitchen as he worked on the pancake batter. Kurt's gorgeous voice in the shower carried throughout the apartment and Blaine didn't think that a morning could ever be more perfect. Especially since it was already afternoon.

Kurt made his entrance just as Blaine was flipping the pancakes onto their plates and he poured them both cups of coffee. Kurt settled into a seat at the table. "So I saw you and Santana talking at the bar," Kurt mentioned while he sprinkled the tiniest amount of powdered sugar onto the plate Blaine placed in front of him. "You find out what her plans are?"

"She doesn't seem to really have any other than crashing on our couch," Blaine said. "I can't believe you called her in the taxi. I was too afraid she would make everything worse honestly."

"Well, the one person Rachel really needed isn't here." Kurt said with a frown. "For better or worse there's no one more capable of getting Rachel to hear his voice in her head than Santana." Blaine nodded. He wasn't sure he'd ever understand the relationship between those two but he had to admit there was a connection there. "Besides," Kurt continued. "She always gets _your_ head on straight. I figured it couldn't really hurt at that point."

"You are a smart man," Blaine agreed. He took a sip of his coffee and a bite of his food and watched Kurt carefully for a moment. Part of him thought he shouldn't bring it up. But the other part needed to make sure he was alright. "So are you okay?"

Kurt glanced up. By all rights he should have had absolutely no idea what Blaine was talking about. But the soft amber glow of Blaine's eyes and the lip being worried between his teeth told Kurt all he needed to know. "I should be used to it by now, right?" Kurt asked with a sigh. Blaine reached across the table and took his hand. "It's not like it's a surprise. I think everyone knew he'd name the baby Finn."

"Still…" Blaine said softly. He rubbed his thumb against Kurt's knuckles soothingly.

"I guess I just wonder how many more things I'm going to lose to him?" Kurt thought aloud. He'd never put these thoughts into words before, he felt guilty even for thinking them sometimes, but they had been there for a long time now. "It just doesn't seem fair sometimes. He was my brother but sometimes it seems Mr. Schue thinks he is instead. Best Man at his wedding, the letterman jacket, now his name-"

Blaine's brow rose in shock. "You really think he took the letterman jacket?" he asked.

"I'd bet on it," Kurt shrugged dismissively. He'd come to terms with that a long time ago. The fact that Finn wouldn't be there standing beside him when he married was another story. "But it's nice. That he named the baby after Finn."

"It is, I just…I don't know." Blaine frowned. "I kinda feel like it's something he should have talked to you about first. Given you first dibs."

"It doesn't stop us Blaine," Kurt said, squeezing Blaine's hand tightly. Kurt understood that when it came to Finn Blaine had his own unresolved feelings. Unfinished business that he felt he still needed to make right. Besides, Blaine had always been the far more sentimental one of the two of them. "If we have a boy and you want to name him after Finn then that's what we'll do. It doesn't matter if Schue did it first. The way I see it, the more Finn's in the world the better."

Blaine's eyes watered and he tilted his head in awe. "I love you."

Kurt smiled softly. "I love you too."

* * *

"Oh my god Blaine sometimes I wonder how you even keep your gay card," Kurt snapped in frustration.

There were magazines sprawled all over the coffee table and Kurt had been pouring over them in study. Blaine strummed away on his guitar paying absolutely no attention until Kurt snatched it from his fingers.

Blaine could have pouted but instead his eyes grew heavy and he grinned hungrily. "I could show you," he said, crawling up Kurt's body temptingly. He never gave Kurt a chance to resist, just dove in and captured his fiancé's lips in a delicious kiss that sent blood flowing directly south. He pressed his hips lightly, letting Kurt feel him. "Gay card. Right here," Blaine quipped against Kurt's lips. Kurt smirked but pushed Blaine off of him unrelentingly. Blaine toppled over and laughed. Kurt glared at him sternly and Blaine regained his composure, curling his legs beneath him but otherwise sitting up straight and tall like the good student he was. "Fine Professor Hummel. Tell me everything you know about June Dolloway."

Kurt opened up website after website reading to him about all the events she'd attended and people she'd known. Blaine had to admit that the more he learned the more excited he became to sing for her and maybe even get to meet her and ask her a question or two about all of the fascinating people she'd met in her lifetime. He was snuggled into Kurt's side, reading over his shoulder and listening intently to a story from ten years ago, when a tiny little picture and blurb on the bottom right hand side of the page caught his attention and sent his mind stirring.

* * *

"Cooper do you know who June Dolloway is?"

Kurt had gone home for the night after school. Blaine had long ago climbed into bed, but he lay awake until his brother was likely to be home from set. The memory had held firm, tugging at the back of his mind. And he knew his brother held the answer.

"Of course I do Squirt, she's only one of the biggest socialites America has ever seen," Cooper said. "American Royalty. But you know her too."

Blaine's brow raised. "I do?"

"Sure." Blaine could hear his brother's grin through the phone. "Let's see, you were about 7 and I was 17 and Grandfather had brought us to one of those rich dish Galas he loved so much, some Westerville Symphony Fundraiser or something. He always paraded us around the room and introduced us to all the elite, though I never knew if he was showing us off to them or them off to us. Either way, that night we both met June Dolloway."

"I don't remember," Blaine said softly, deep in thought, but a part of him had suspected as much because that event was exactly the one in the article.

"Well I'm not surprised, you were only 7. That night may have actually been our first public performance together of Rio though, Grandfather had us up on stage singing for our supper," Cooper remembered. "We brought in a pretty penny too. I killed it."

"Was she nice? June I mean?"

"Well if I remember correctly she took a very special liking to me, of course," Cooper gloated. "Why all the questions Blaine?"

"Kurt and I are gonna being singing for her at NYADA. She's donated a bunch of money and Kurt was chosen to perform for her and he asked me to join him."

"Blaine that's amazing!" Cooper shouted. Blaine laughed at his enthusiasm.

"It's for Kurt, he's the one that really wants to meet her. Maybe see if she'll take him under her wing, which would be just amazing." Blaine said. "I'm only singing 'cause he asked me, but it should be fun."

"It'll be more than fun Blaine. She's gonna love you. You are my brother after all," Cooper told him. "Kurt better watch out."

* * *

Kurt skittered around the soon to be dedicated Dolloway Dance Lab, wringing his hands and biting his lip. "Oh my god I'm so nervous," he breathed, bouncing from toe to toe.

Blaine looked over at him and smiled. One of the things he loved about Kurt was just how nervous he still got in front of a crowd even though he was one of the most incredible voices Blaine had ever heard. "Don't be nervous, she is going to love you," he promised.

"But what if she doesn't?" Kurt looked at him with earnest. He was used to being overlooked and rejected because of who he was or the sound that came out of his mouth. The acceptance he'd been feeling lately at NYADA was foreign to him.

Blaine knew this and he knew how to deal with it. He wrapped his arms around Kurt's waist and held him close, letting Kurt's racing heart settle into the slower rhythm of his own. "If she doesn't then you and I will keep fighting and working until somebody does notice just how incredible a talent you are." Blaine nuzzled into the crook of Kurt's neck, one of his most favorite places in the world. "Just like everyone at NYADA has learned, and just like I have always known from the moment I heard you sing."

Kurt looked over his shoulder at Blaine and smirked. "Not before?" he teased.

"No," Blaine hummed into his ear. "Before I just knew I loved you."

Kurt's worries melted into a bright smile. "Me too."

* * *

"Now June, you know as well as I do we couldn't ask a freshmen to sing at the dedication." Carmen Tibedeaux looked up sternly at the socialite from behind her desk. June may have had the money but Carmen still had the authority to make this decision. "But Mr. Hummel is very talented, a rising star at this school and quite predictably he has asked his fiancé to sing along with him."

"And he's doing well?" June asked, settling into the chair across from Carmen. "Blaine I mean?"

Carmen frowned slightly. "We've had some issues with a sense of entitlement but I think we've nipped that in the bud. Otherwise yes, he's doing as well as you said he would."

"Good. Now let me judge for myself."

June rose to her feet and made her way to the door to await her introduction. When the doors opened she thanked the crowd and took her seat in the audience, glancing over at the boys surreptitiously. She hadn't seen him perform in person since he was at Dalton but she'd followed him online. She had to admit she'd been worried that his star might burn out surrounded by true competition, but it seemed he was burning as bright as ever.

She scrutinized his performance intently, but less than a minute in with a shy flutter of the eyes she saw exactly what she'd seen so long ago in that 7 year old boy. Though she'd lost track of him after that first time until he'd started leading the Warblers at Dalton, she'd been right from the very beginning. He was a star, inside and out. The charisma that had always been there had only matured over time. Every love and every heartache adding beautiful layer upon beautiful layer to the soul that made him shine.

Kurt, on the other hand, didn't have that. Carmen was right, he had a beautiful voice, but much like Blaine's brother Cooper, he tried too hard. But it wasn't just that. June could see that Kurt kept a distance from his pain, walling it off instead of inviting it in to let it sit and simmer to develop flavor. Kurt was talented, but he wasn't right. Not for her crowd.

Not for her plans.

* * *

_Written on these walls are the colors that I can't change  
Leave my heart open but it stays right here in its cage  
I know that in the morning now I see us in the light upon a hill  
Although I am broken, my heart is untamed, still_

Blaine waved to June on the front stoop of his apartment and rolled into his apartment at one in the morning, barely able to keep his eyes open. The night had been amazing but exhausting as well, emotionally and physically, performing on and off the stage. Fighting the demons that he refused to let surface. Because walking into the Soho gala was like walking into a memory for Blaine.

Even though he and the Warblers had occasionally performed at events like this inevitably hosted by Dalton parents or alum, what Blaine vividly remembered now was exactly what Cooper had described. June led him around the room just like his grandfather had so many years ago and throughout the night introduced him to every single one of her very influential friends. They'd all seemed bigger so long ago but so much came back to him. Most especially his grandfather's words.

_Find yourself a pretty lady to walk on your arm Blaine and the society magazines will keep a handsome boy like you set for life._

After his grandfather had died the parties became a little bit smaller and a little less luxurious but no less snobbish. In fact, because the money was less and the country club crowd was trying so hard it was probably even more so. And the pressure to find a pretty lady for his arm grew more and more.

"Blaine, come up please, I want to introduce you," June called. Blaine looked around. By his brother's side when he was 7 years old and carefree was one thing, but now he had to meet June's expectations. His performance would reflect on her. "Blaine Anderson."

Stepping onto the stage, looking out at the crowd he couldn't help but flashback to the fateful day he'd sung _Baby Its Cold Outside_. But the moment the music started and he looked up at June the Dalton mask and performance settled deep inside him. It was so easy to fall back into old patterns.

If he had been straight, this was exactly what his life would have been.

Walking into his bedroom, trying to let go of the night, he stripped off his coat and tie, hanging them both on the back of his chair before switching on the light to get ready for bed.

"What the hell!"

He jumped back slightly as his sheets rustled and a sleepy Santana sat up in his bed rubbing her eyes. "What's a girl got to do to get a little shut eye around here?"

"Uh, stay in your own bed maybe?" Blaine suggested with a brow cocked. "What are you doing in here?"

Santana though didn't move, she just grabbed his pillow and snuggled into it again. "I am pretty sure they call it sleeping Boyfriend, you should look it up. It's something you and Kurt don't do when you're together and apparently neither do Sam and Mercedes even though they're flying Virgin."

"Virgin doesn't mean dead 'Tana," Blaine smirked.

"Uh, I'm pretty sure it does," Santana countered.

Blaine just rolled his eyes and pulled back the sheets. "It doesn't, believe me. Now get the hell out of my bed."

Santana though pulled the sheets back up. "You snooze you lose. I'll move over. It's the best offer you're going to get tonight," she said.

Blaine sighed. "Fine." He went to the bathroom and took a quick shower before putting on some pajamas and climbing into bed with Santana. "I get my pillow though." He yanked it out from under her head and lay down. He closed his eyes in frustration when she stole the blankets from him in retaliation but eventually they settled in. Quiet fell over the room and Blaine was almost asleep when Santana woke him.

"So how was the party rich boy?" she asked.

"Like déjà vu," Blaine muttered, his eyes slowly opening again.

Santana rolled over onto her side and tucked her hand beneath her chin. "How so?"

Blaine shifted to face her, but his eyes were distant in memory. "When I was young, especially when my dad was deployed, my grandfather used to come around a lot, probably to keep an eye on us. He would take Coop and my mom and me to these tremendous galas. Maybe not quite the 1% of the 1% like tonight, but close enough. I remember being just so mesmerized by everything, the lights and the excitement and just the electricity that buzzed around the room. I wanted so badly to be a part of it, to live that life where it seemed that everything was beautiful and nothing hurt." He met Santana's eyes shining in the darkness. "And my grandfather wanted it too. I was raised for it Santana. I was groomed to be the golden boy on the beautiful girl's arm."

"Except you were looking for the handsome boy's arm instead," Santana noted gently.

"Yeah." Blaine closed his eyes. The pain was still deep in his heart. He was coming to terms with the fact that it would probably never fully leave. "But now it's different, you know?" he said softly. "I'm out and proud and engaged to Kurt and June doesn't care. And I wonder if maybe I really can have that life anyway?"

"Except there's still no man on your arm Blaine," Santana pointed out and her tone was a touch harsh. "You're still leaving Kurt behind."

Blaine's heart sunk slightly, guilt rolling through him. "That's not why though," he said defensively.

Santana would have bet all of June's money it was but she didn't say that. "Why did you stop going to these things? When you were a kid?"

"Dad loved that world, fit in perfectly, and he always greatly approved of us learning proper etiquette and diplomacy and all the other things that high society showed to the outside word. But my mom hated it. She said she didn't like the types of people he was exposing us to though I never really understood what she was so afraid of. Even after my grandfather died, when my Dad returned from Iraq we kept going for a bit. Dad was this big war hero and it was fashionable then to honor veterans. But eventually that grew out of style and with too much of my grandfather's money tied up in trust funds for me and Cooper my Dad settled for the country club life instead. I still performed all the time," Blaine said then grew quieter. "Until word got out."

"Was that after the Sadie Hawkins dance?" Santana asked carefully.

"No. Dad was somehow able to keep that all quiet then and Dalton played right into the beautiful lie he told the world," Blaine said. "It was after Christmas three years ago." He'd told her before about what had happened. "That was the last time I was invited to sing."

"That world is full of beautiful lies Blaine, you know that," Santana warned him. "You should be careful. I know it's easy to get caught back up in it, it's rich and glamorous and it holds opportunities you can't find anywhere else. But it also forces sacrifices Blaine. Ones you may not be willing to make."

Blaine thought back to his evening and he frowned. "June isn't like that," he told Santana. And himself.

"Just be careful," she said softly. "Things are never quite what they seem."

Blaine nodded. He knew that better than anyone. "I will."

* * *

Blaine was out another night with June and Kurt was curled up on his couch very happily watching television when Santana came barging in dressed to the nines. He tried to get her to leave. He failed miserably.

"Look Hummel, I am not going to let you sit around here rewatching season after season of whatever god awful show you are watching," Santana snapped, staring at the screen with disgust. There were girls with nose jobs that looked worse than Berry's original and booties bigger than the ones in Sam's last ad campaign. "Get your ass up and go out with me. The jazz club awaits."

Kurt pouted and settled further into the couch. "I'm just not really feeling like going out Santana," he groaned.

She picked up the remote and turned the television off. "Don't care." Ignoring his death glare she grabbed his wallet and threw it at him. "Listen to me. They're plastic," she said pointing to the television. "Smoke and mirrors pretending to be people they aren't in order to make a name for themselves. Sound familiar?" she raised a brow.

That got Kurt's attention. "That's not what Blaine's doing with June," he insisted, standing up and putting his wallet in his pocket.

"Sure. And it's not what Mercedes is doing on her album either," she said sarcastically. "You and I, we have just as much of what it takes to make it, the difference is that we aren't willing to compromise who we are to be what they want."

"Blaine isn't either," Kurt protested but Santana just hummed.

"We'll see," she muttered and pushed him out the door. They walked in silence toward the club, the horns and sirens surrounding them as dusk fell over the city. "I've been gone too long. None of you can manage life on your own without me. You're all falling to pieces."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "I think that's a little egotistical Santana." They rounded the corner and headed down the two blocks to the subway. "Blaine can handle himself in that crowd just fine."

"It won't be hard for him Kurt. To slip back into that life. A life with a lot of not so good memories." Kurt shoved his hands in his pockets, trying not to believe her but knowing she was right. "And no matter how beautiful it looks on the outside, it isn't really a pretty place," Santana continued. She stopped at the top of the subway stairs, leaning against the rail. "You know that and he knows that and yet you're both so willing to let him fall." She looked at him and she could see his mind turning. _Take one for the team_, Kurt had told him. Would the price be too high? "You might want to ask yourself why." Santana raised a brow before heading down into the station.

Kurt paused a minute, considering her words. The fact was he knew exactly why. It was the same reason Rachel had flown off to Los Angeles.

Chasing a dream was always more exhilarating than catching one.

* * *

"Hey Mom, what's up?" Blaine was walking from class to meet June at the restaurant. June had told him she had something important she wanted to talk about and Kurt had just kissed him on the cheek and told him to go ahead.

"Is it true that you've been spending time with June Dolloway?" his obviously upset mother asked.

He hesitated slightly to answer. "Where did you hear that?"

Amy scoffed. "You don't hang out with a woman like that and have it go unnoticed Blaine," she chastised. "I have people stopping me in the grocery store. Gossip magazines prey on these kinds of stories and I don't like it."

"Mom, I don't know-"

"Blaine I know it's been a while but you know exactly how I feel about that crowd. You were still pretty young when we were in the thick of it but I steered Cooper away from those benefactors on purpose and you…" she stopped short, not wanting to say the wrong thing. "Those people wouldn't accept you for who you were Blaine. I'm not sure why you'd want to go back into that world."

"June's not like that," Blaine protested, anger building because he was sick of having to defend himself and June. If Santana had called her and the magazines were just an excuse then he had a thing or two to say to his best friend. "And maybe the world's changed."

"And maybe it hasn't," she countered.

"Well then maybe _I_ have," Blaine snapped. "Maybe I'm old enough and smart enough to make my own decisions about who I spend time with and where I go. Kurt supports me, I don't know why you and Santana won't."

Amy sighed, a silence falling over the call. Blaine rounded the corner to the restaurant and he saw June waiting for him inside. He tried to let his anger go before he said something he'd regret to either rof them. "Look Blaine, I will always support you," his mother assured him. "But I also want what's best for you and I don't know that this is it."

Blaine bit his lip and he glanced to June then down to the ground. "I don't know if it is either Mom," he admitted. "But June's my friend and she's done a lot for me already. And I love it Mom. I love her stories and the parties and being in the middle of so many amazing people. And they don't seem to care that I'm gay Mom, not anymore, not like it used to be."

"Do you see any other gay couples there?" Amy asked. Blaine pressed his hand to his face. He didn't want to have to deal with this, not anymore. "These people say one thing and do another. I know you want to believe in the best of people and I love that about you, but please, just be careful."

Blaine nodded, his stomach clenching and for the second time he made the same promise. "I will."

* * *

It was the footsteps in the dark that woke her for the third time in the last thirty minutes. "I swear to God Blaine if you pace back and forth between the kitchen and your bedroom one more time I am going to tie you to your bed and not in any sort of a good way," Santana growled. Her eyes were squinting with sleep as she sat up on the couch, curling up with her pillow in her arms. "Now what the hell is eating you up so much?"

"It's nothing, I'm sorry I woke you," Blaine muttered starting back to his room but Santana stopped him.

"It's clearly not nothing, Boyfriend, so now that you've woken me up you best get your perky little ass sitting on this couch and talk to me," Santana ordered.

If there was one thing in the world that Blaine needed to learn it was how to say no, but tonight would not be the night and Santana would not be his first attempt. And reality was if he didn't talk this out he would be much to wracked with guilt to fall asleep and he knew that no matter what he could always tell Santana the truth. "It's Kurt," Blaine sighed, sitting down across from her. He pulled his knees up and wrapped his arms around them. "Well actually it's me. I kinda lied to him."

"I don't think _kinda _and _lie_ really go together in Kurt's mind," Santana said.

Blaine squeezed his eyes shut, running his hand through his hair. "I know, and I didn't mean to it's just, I wanted so badly for June to let Kurt be in my showcase and then, god Santana you should have seen how his face lit up when I told him he could sing, I just want to always be able to do that for him, you know, make his face light up like that? And he deserves it Santana, he really does and June is wrong, the world _does _need to see his talent, but now I have to convince her of that and I don't think I can." Blaine finally stopped to breathe and Santana stared back at him like he had just confessed to killing three puppies.

"I don't even know what to say to you right now Anderson." Santana shook her head angrily. "What is it about you and Mercedes that makes you think you can get the rest of the world to love us when we're clearly not wanted."

Blaine's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean you're not wanted?"

Santana's fierceness softened and she bit her lip with a vulnerability that was rarely seen by anyone other than Brittany or Blaine. "Mercedes tried to get me on her album as a duet partner. And apparently I'm not what the label is looking for. Which is fine." Her eyes raised to Blaine with a sternness that made him shrink slightly. "I'm glad I know rather than thinking I am and having the rug pulled out from under me."

"I won't let that happen," Blaine swore, but he knew that Santana was right. June had been very clear she didn't want to showcase Kurt, didn't even want him to _be _with Kurt. Just like Santana and her mother had both tried to warn him. His fingers twirled a phantom wedding band on his left hand. "I _can't_ let that happen. I can't hurt him like that."

"You're playing a dangerous game Boyfriend," Santana warned her. "This June Dolloway isn't going to give a crap about what you want or what's good for you. People like that are what folks in Lima Heights Adjacent would call a vulture. She'll pick and pick at you until she's had her fill and then she'll drop you and move on."

Blaine wished he could once again say that June wasn't like that. But at least a little part of Blaine had to finally admit that maybe Santana and his mom were right. "Well if that's true than I need to take my chance while I can," Blaine said firmly. "But I promise I will take Kurt with me. We're running this race together or not at all."

* * *

Kurt swung Blaine's hand exiting the Spotlight Diner, nearly skipping down the shadowed New York City streets. It wasn't just how much he'd missed Kurt over the last week that made Blaine unable take his eyes off of him. It was simply that there was absolutely nothing better than seeing Kurt glow with the happiness that everything at the nursing home and Rachel's project had given him.

He hated that soon he'd been the one to crash it all down around them with his own lies. Because though he'd been trying all week to get June to change her mind about Kurt, he was having no luck. And now he'd dug his own grave and soon would have to face the music. But now wasn't that time. Now he'd enjoy this moment as much as he could and his eyes shined, a smile teasing at his lips.

Kurt glanced at Blaine out of the corner of his eye. "Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked with a crooked grin.

"I just…" Blaine bowed his head as his heart swelled. "I'm just really proud of you Kurt. Everything you did tonight. Watching you fly…it was amazing."

"Well the harness helped," Kurt smirked.

"I don't mean the harness," Blaine said softly. He stopped out front of a bookstore and he took Kurt's hands, holding them tight. Proud tears shined in eyes full of love. "You are my lucky star Kurt. You have been for so long now and you always _always_ will be no matter what."

Kurt blushed. "You're such a sap," he teased.

But Blaine was too lost in his eyes and in the past to care. "Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight-"

"There aren't stars in New York," Kurt interrupted.

"Don't ruin this," Blaine scolded quickly and Kurt lowered his eyes and smiled demurely. "Do you remember, about two years ago? We stood outside my father's house in the freezing cold and you asked me what I used to wish for on the stars when I was a kid."

Of course Kurt remembered. "You said you wished for me."

"And you asked me what I used to wish for before you," Blaine reminded him. When Kurt had sung tonight it had all come back. "And I wouldn't tell you because then it wouldn't come true. So you wrapped me in your arms," he said as he wrapped Kurt in his, "and whispered in my ear: Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight."

"I wish I may," Kurt continued, "I wish I might have this wish I wish tonight."

Blaine nuzzled into Kurt's neck. He didn't care at all who was watching. "I know how you felt about my dad that night Kurt. But even so you encouraged me to keep trying. Because he was trying and he was alive and as long as he was alive I should have a chance to have a father. Because once they're gone, they're gone. And you were right." A tear slipped from Blaine's eyes and he swallowed against the rising tide, brushing it away. He looked up to the empty sky and let out a breath. "I wished not to lose him. When I was a kid, that was what I wished for." Kurt turned in Blaine's arms. He could see the pain in Blaine's eyes though he wasn't sure exactly where it was coming from. "Though I always hated the way he treated me I was still terrified every day that I would go too far, I would make one mistake too many and finally he'd just give up on me and walk away forever."

"Blaine," Kurt sighed.

Blaine shook his head, reaching up to caress Kurt's cheek. "I just wanted you to know," he said softly. "Watching you sing that song, watching you fly. I just…" He rolled his lips nervously between his teeth. He still had time to make things right, but just in case he couldn't… "I just wanted you to know my wish."

Kurt's brow furrowed with worry, but he gave a quick nod and a small smile. "Okay." Kurt linked his arm in Blaine's and started back down the street. And quietly he sang as they walked home.

_Just come with me where dreams are born  
And time is never planned  
Just think of happy things  
And your heart will fly on wings  
In Never Never Land._

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**I hope you liked it. I love your reviews so please let me know your thoughts. I'm so excited for the finale!**

**** The first reference to June, Blaine having fans in high places, it's Chapter 28 of **_**Ready to Fly**_**, Moving Out.**

**** The first Starlight Starbright scene is Chapter 9 of **_**Way Out**_**, Mash Up.**


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